Why do we wait?

26 Jul


The thought that always strikes me when a friend, family member, famous person passes on, and people start remembering them fondly, recalling stories, is why do we wait until they are no longer present?  Why don’t we celebrate them when they are still on this earth to hear how they have touched the lives of so many, especially for those getting up in years?  That thought again crossed my mind last week when one of my all time favorite actors James Gardner passed away.

A couple days later while watching the news, I learned the name of the doctor who’d changed the lives of thousands of babies born after 1960, and many today don’t even know.  Dr. Frances Oldham Kelsey in her first assignment at the FDA, refused to allow the drug thalidomide be approved for use in the USA in 1960.  A drug, that a short time later (November 1961) was noted in reports in Europe on severe birth defects in children born to mothers who’d been prescribed it to control morning sickness.  There’s no point in my recreating here all she has accomplished in her lifetime, when you can read a nice one-page summary here in Wikipedia, and also explains what thalidomide is, or you can read her biography page here at the National Institute of Health.

On Thursday, Dr. Frances Oldham Kelsey turned 100 years old, she’s back living in the area she was born and raised in.  Happy Birthday Dr. Frances Oldham Kelsey, and thank you for standing firm in not approving thalidomide to be put on the market, keeping so many future babies from harm.


Posted by on July 26, 2014 in Uncategorized


10 responses to “Why do we wait?

  1. Paige Adams Stricklandaige

    July 26, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    Wow! What a beautiful garden!


    • TAO

      July 27, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      It’s a beautiful shrub but I didn’t realize the size (wasn’t tagged) so it’s kind of squished in which is a shame because it should stand on it’s own.


  2. eagoodlife

    July 27, 2014 at 1:31 am

    I wish people could be honest too when others die and not pretend they were saints. When I go I hope my family and friends will tell it how it was – I know I can rely on my Daughter! She’ll do it with love and caring too.


    • TAO

      July 27, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      Maybe that’s why people wait so they can pretend instead of being honest.


  3. Raven

    July 27, 2014 at 7:08 am

    TAO, I often wonder the same thing, but I’ve never really come up with a good answer. The one thing that really bothers me is with regard to my son, who as you know severed our 23-year-long reunion almost two years ago. I am not well physically, and I really doubt that I have all that many years left. I worry about how he will react…or if he will react at all…when I’m gone. He stays in touch with my brother, niece, and nephew, so I know he’ll be immediately informed when I pass on, but in the meantime, I’m trying to figure out whether I should write him a letter to be given to him upon my death. Since he can’t stand the fact that I love him unconditionally or that I consider myself to be his natural mother, I just can’t make up my mind. Will it make it worse for him in the long run if I leave him a letter, or should I just pretend he never existed? I’m so lost when it comes to this subject.


    • TAO

      July 27, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      Write a letter Raven…it will bring you peace and perhaps your son as well.


  4. Beth

    July 27, 2014 at 11:53 pm

    Raven, I’ve gotten some letters like that sort of. Not from my Momma thank goodness, but from some close people I got to see everyday who couldn’t manage to express themselves to me while they were alive.

    I treasure them. I believe what is said in them.
    I didn’t really understand, or know, see it clearly, or “get it” until I read the letters.
    I get it now. I wish I knew earlier more about how they felt, I am mad about that, sort of. I am sad about it. Yet, I am so at peace because of the letters.

    If I had been in a different situation, like choosing to sever one of these close relationships – because I couldn’t handle it emotionally myself – I think a letter could bring even more peace when the time comes that there are no more chances of trying to understand or make things right.

    One of my letters said…
    “This is my way to be heard, with the bonus of getting the last word.”

    I can tell this letter brought my friend peace, plus he really did get the last word and I am happy he was finally able to do that LOL.

    imo, yes, please write a letter.


  5. Raven

    July 28, 2014 at 8:33 am

    Thanks everyone for the advice. My whole life has turned upside down since my son cut me out of his life, and it helps me to get a “reality check” with my friends here. I’m always so afraid of talking on forums about the aftermath of my son’s decision to sever all ties with me. It just makes me feel like such a failure.


  6. Beth

    August 2, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    (((((Raven))))), I don’t blame you for not feeling safe to talk about it in many forums. It’s not safe, especially if you are feeling tender. I can only imagine you’d get lambasted and skewered just like many adoptees do when talking about loosing connections with family.
    I don’t think you are a failure. Failing means quitting. I think the nature of this kind of relationship is what fails, not those in it.
    Most of all, I’d really like to go knock some sense into him for you!!!!!!!!



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