So-called “adoption positive” language is really just about adoptive parents’ feelings. It has nothing at all to do with adoptees.”
Most strident response to the above comment on a forum I have seen in long time…
“It has Everything to do with adoptees. Surely you want to validate adoption as a positive way to build a family. That is what positive adoption language is about! We don’t want our children to think they are second best!”
And ended with this link:www.adoptivefamilies.com/pdf/PositiveLanguage.pdf
The entire thread is interesting, and worth reading because it has many different points of view on the topic of a recent viral adoption video. The above comment was on page 2 of this thread…but to discuss this point – “validate adoption as a positive way to build a family“. As a kid, whether building a family via adoption was a positive thing, or a negative thing, never entered my head to even consider. I was far too busy doing kid things with my family to even think such deep thoughts like “building a family”. I was just a kid.
When did people stop allowing children to just be kids?
Stop trying so hard…just let your kids, be kids. And consider, if they do have deep feelings of loss at times and you need them to only see adoption as a positive way to form a family – guess what – you probably will never know how they really feel, because you have already informed them of how they must feel.
Adoption is one way to form a family, it is neither a positive, nor a negative, it just is…one way…
And, for the record, positive adoption language is solely for the adoptive parents in my opinion too…they are the ones who are usually new to adoption, are often afraid, and insecure, and no, it’s not a slam, just reality for many, and yes, that’s actually okay to admit to.