If this is anything like reality…
By TAO
I’ve never seen the show “I’m Having Their Baby” and was looking for info about the comedy show “Mom” that apparently has an adoption theme…anyway, there was a clip from “I’m Having Their Baby” that intrigued me, so I went there…
“I know she’ll be very upset if I don’t give Michael and Maria this baby”…
The above is in reference to the expectant mother’s adoption worker being very upset …and later in the clip speaks of not wanting to make the final decision until her baby is born. Any unbiased adoption worker would have already told her she can’t fully commit to an adoption plan until after the baby is born.
How on earth is it acceptable that the expectant mother’s adoption worker has a close relationship with the prospective adoptive parents? How many boundaries have been crossed by that relationship? Why is this allowed?
To me it all just seems so wrong…always has, far too easy for the expectant mom to feel trapped…there has to be a better way, more humane…
The only good thing, ET has her as an Expectant Mom…instead of already a “Birthmother”.
Tags: adoption, adoptive family, considering adoption, Ethics and morals
The adopted ones blog 
Robyn C
April 5, 2014 at 4:59 am
I’ve never see “I’m Having Their Baby.” The entire premise makes me ill. (And I’m even an advocate of pre-birth matching, or, at least, of matching whenever the expectant mom/parents want to match.) I do see it as a huge conflict of interest that the PAPs and e-parents have the same social worker (or adoption worker, some aren’t even true social workers). It’s very common, and, I believe, very unethical.
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TAO
April 5, 2014 at 2:47 pm
Robyn,
To me it is the same basic premise of you never want to have the same divorce lawyer as your husband, same doctor as the recipient if you are giving a kidney, same broker if you are buying a house as the one selling the house. So, if there are so many non-adoption similar concepts surely this isn’t a one off situation where you can’t apply common sense – so why on earth are prospective adoptive parents okay with that?
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dmdezigns
April 7, 2014 at 5:31 pm
I think because many of us have never thought of it that way or had it presented that way. In adoption the Adoption workers ends up being the intermeidary between the two parties but their existence is dependent upon the PAPs so yes, it is a conflict of interest. It’s a business. But when you first start the adoption process, you do what you’re told, you don’t question too much for fear of turning the agency against you. You don’t want to be that hard to work with PAP. PAPs have the ability to have a lot of power in this situation but many times they don’t realize they have it. They think the emom has it. In reality, the agency is taking that unrealized power from both sides and using it for their benefit. And while I certainly wouldn’t have shared an attorney with my ex-husband, I have several friends with uncontested, amicable divorces who did just that successfully. The problem is that a lot of adoption workers aren’t trained social workers, there’s no standards to be held to across the country, and there’s no/little training about subtle coercion. Instead their job is to keep both parties happy so that the agency gets to keep the money. I wish that emoms had a separate social worker who would actually give valid counseling and assistance during their pregnancy, help them find resources that would still be there after birth. We need more family preservation, but agencies won’t lead the charge for that. It would put them out of business.
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Don't We Look Alike?
April 5, 2014 at 4:10 pm
I haven’t seen it either for the same reason as Robyn. It all makes me sick.
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onewomanschoice
April 5, 2014 at 8:15 pm
Great for ET! A woman can’t be a birthmother if she hasn’t even given birth.
An agency should not be able to represent both sides (the expectant mother and the expectant adoptive parent). It should be no different than any other legality in this country. Each side needs to have their legal counsel or counselor who is looking out for their client and supporting their client so a fair and just decision is made. But unfortunately, it is more like beguiling one to benefit another which in turn, as we all know, also benefits the agency or lawyer financially. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
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Valentine Logar
April 6, 2014 at 11:09 pm
This seems to be a huge conflict of interest.
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TAO
April 7, 2014 at 1:44 pm
Vicki – I’m not approving your comment. You are welcome to join the conversation – challenge the subject, you are not welcome to make snide hurtful remarks to commenters. Commenting policy is on the right side of the blog.
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cb
April 9, 2014 at 2:28 pm
I do force myself to watch the show and there is often that underlying feeling that the adoptive parents are considered the “rightful” parents by the show and that when an emom decides to parent (each episode is usually one choosing parenting/one choosing adoption), then she has deprived the PAPs – to paraphrase the title “She’s having their baby and she’s decided to keep their baby for herself”. On one recent episode, the young efather said to his girlfriend who decided to raise her child “So you had no good reason for not choosing adoption?”. There is also always the feeling that whatever choice is made is of little consequence to the child in anyway shape or form.
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