Here I am, the less vocal of this blog, once again feeling the need to speak up. TAO’s last post about a two letter short cut to typing birth mother, left me so stunned that such a post even had the need to be written in today’s world of politically correct, positive, adoption language, that even had I wanted, I couldn’t stop myself from commenting. Oh for Christ sake, seriously, people don’t get why those two, particular, letters are offensive? Well, here is an explanation.
As if the medical meaning of those two letters wasn’t offensive enough, for me, coming from my equine background, the two letters stood for something just as offensive: brood mare. A female horse, whose, specific, purpose is nothing more than to produce offspring. Oh my the analogies I could come up with…so offensive on so many levels, I just will not even go down that road.
My adoptive parents have never, never, never, in my 49 years, ever, ever, ever referred to my first/birth mother as anything other than E, my bmom’s given name, or as my “mother”, which is what E is. For 49 years, never did my APs ever refer to my biological parents as anything other than their names, or “mother” and “father”. Though we all knew of the term, used by adoption agencies, “birth” mother, I do not recall ever hearing it used in my family. Even before I reunited with E and D, before we knew their given names, E was simply my mother, and D was simply my father. They did not need qualifiers. We knew who was who, when the subject came up. For those who would like to use the excuse of how that may have confused me as a child, well, I have two letters for you. Guess what they mean? BS.
I would type them out, but I’m just way too busy to waste my valuable time on such bull shit.
Seriously, what’s wrong with people? Is Bmom really that hard? I mean, really, if my mom and dad, can spend 49 years referring to my mom and dad as my “mother/mom” and “father/dad”, or simply as “E, and D, why can’t parents today do the same? Why do they need things like “tummy” mommy, birth, first, original, or the worst one I’ve ever heard stork mommy? Seriously?
Yah, yah, yah, I get the whole qualifier thing, and the need to distinguish between adoptive and biological. It’s confusing when trying to explain adoption. Tell me about it. I’ve been doing it all my life. All I have left to say is welcome to my world!!! Get used to it, if you are a member of the triad, because you are going to be explaining it for the rest of your life. If you are going to take the time to join in on forums, etc., and you want people to listen to what you have to say, take TAO’s advice. She’s going to save you a lot of embarrassment. Typing those two letters will only serve to make you look like another abbreviation of two letters. Do you know what those two letters are? I’d tell you, but all this typing has just exhausted me. Two more letters is just too much effort for me. I need a nap, and I wouldn’t want to offend anyone by using those, particular, offensive, letters to describe someone.
Oh my, I just can’t get the thought out of my head, as to just exactly what my 80-year-old adoptive mother would say to that two letter abbreviation for my Bmom? I’m thinking she would get the urge to wash my, or anyone else for that matters, mouth out with soap for showing such disrespect for the woman, who gave birth to me, and gave her a child to love. Yep, she would not be pleased with that two letter abbreviation at all. I can hear her quoting that Bible verse now, “Honor your Mother and Father”. For her and my father that meant both adoptive and biological. Too bad it doesn’t work that way for some people today. Oh, my the shudder I just felt, though my adoptive father passed away years ago, what he would think of such a two letter thing. Talk about the fear of God? In the end, if you wouldn’t say it in person, don’t do it online. It says way more about you than it does the people you think are being overly sensitive by getting offended by those two stupid letters.
After all, it’s not rocket science. It’s just simple common sense.
“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough”
― Walt Whitman
Oct 2014: You may speak freely, but please try to use words that everyone can hear about your individual story or view. If you don't, those who can actually benefit won't hear it, I want to see change in my lifetime. I may refuse to approve certain comments.
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