No one seems to want to find common ground anymore

23 Dec


I’m the type of person who strikes up conversations in check-out lines and most any other public area.  Usually, I can find a common ground with someone, and also know there are areas we will disagree on, that works in life and on-line.  I don’t expect everyone, or even anyone to agree with me on all things, I do expect to be treated with common courtesy, and, do my best to treat others the same.  We all fail in that by the way.  So, where am going with this?

Kristen, over at Rage Against the Minivan put up a post about the reality show that is now in re-runs, and a second post on racism.  She spoke her mind in both posts and some people disagreed, strongly, and not very nicely – there is no common ground anymore apparently.  I have read some of her posts over the years, and I don’t agree with her views on some subjects, other subjects I think she has a point, I’m sure she would feel the same if she read this blog.  I also believe she has grown over the years, and perhaps her views are more nuanced, or filled with more of a growing awareness than before.  Just like I have grown and my views are more nuanced.  Do our views meet in the middle?  On some we do find a common ground, others not so much, but that’s okay.  Listening to other people’s views is the gift this thing called the internet gives us, it allows us to step outside of our small circle and expand our minds and see why others think differently.  I think it makes us better people, more tolerant and perhaps we even change our view.  It can also makes us bold in how we lash back at each other, and it’s at that point that we need to remember – that there are real human beings on the other side of the screen.  Real people with real feelings.

I feel bad for the anger being directed at Kristen.  Yes, she puts herself out there, willingly, but I think she does it with the best of intentions, and the intent matters to me.  I haven’t read through all the comments, but those I have made me sad, and apparently it isn’t only comments, but emails as well – it’s one thing to disagree, it’s another to call the person names.

It seems like people who are at either end of any argument aren’t willing to meet at the middle, and see where either, or both sides could agree.  It doesn’t matter if it is this dust-up or the one yet to happen.  Finding the common ground and agreeing to disagree on the rest is a concept that no longer exists – they only want to tell the person they are wrong in no uncertain terms, and be mean about it too.

(I am purposely changing the first two words in the link below because I don’t like traffic and hope that works, and if you comment do not use names related to this saga please – if you see this post disappear you know why)

Look Monastery, first amendment rights, Christian Values

A short history lesson of racism in Louisiana for those who may be confused

A short history lesson of racism in Louisiana for those who may be confused – See more at:

On the flip side: all the comments made by people defending the fact that he was simply stating what he saw, or experienced, or believes.  I wonder if they jump to defend adoptees when they speak of their experiences, what they have seen, what they believe… or if they are the ones who prefer to dismiss an adoptee by saying they know an adoptee (or ten) who doesn’t feel that way… guessing they are in the latter group.  What do you think?


Posted by on December 23, 2013 in Adoption


Tags: ,

2 responses to “No one seems to want to find common ground anymore

  1. Deb

    December 23, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    This may not be what you were looking for in a response to your post, but this is what popped up into my mind…

    In general people definitely want to believe that only bad things happen to bad people and only good things happen to good people. Therefore, if something bad happens to you, then you are inherently bad. Where I am going with this, is that often the anger that people inflict on others is derived from their own fears. This fear is based on the thought that if I accept that you had something happen to you that you did not deserve, then that very scary thing or something like it could happen to me. It is easier to point fingers because it is safer in the bubble. I have also picked up on the basic truth that some people just like to see other people go down in flames…good ole self-righteousness.


    • TAO

      December 23, 2013 at 8:36 pm

      Deb – I think you are right on both counts. Fear is a huge motivator to not be willing to listen and the urge to strike back. Good points.



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