Shadow’s Spin Off From The Post “Double Standards In Adoption”
By Shadow The Adoptee
I first began this to be a comment in response to TAO’s post, “Double Standards In Adoption”. This is one of those things that, as an adoptee, I struggle with when the subject comes up, because, for me, it is such a slap in the face, dished out by the powers that be of adoption. These powers that be, who are financed, and encouraged, by adoption agencies, use the excuse of “protecting a birth mother’s right to privacy” to prevent adoptees from what is their birth right as a human being; the knowledge of their biology. Instead of posting it as a comment, I wanted it to stand alone. I am the less vocal one on this blog, I felt the need to speak up on this subject, and my words can stand on their own.
The Double Standard:
We are told, as adoptees, that being adopted is nothing to be ashamed of. We are told that we are chosen, special, and wanted. We are told that our birth parent’s wanted something better for us, because they loved us. We are told our birth mothers were brave and courageous. We are told of what a sacrifice they made for us, because they loved us so. We are told adoption was best for us. It was in our best interest. We are told we should not feel unwanted, rejected, or ashamed because we are adopted.
Adoptive parents call us a gift, and a miracle. They are proud of us, their children. They say they feel no shame in infertility, and making the choice to create a family through adoption. Creating a family through adoption is nothing to be ashamed of, yet some adoptive parents get offended if the word “adopted” is used as a qualifier. We are told that our adoptive parents love us “just as if” we were their biology?
I don’t understand? If this is so, why does the privacy of a birth mother need protection? If we, as adoptees, have nothing to be ashamed of, why would our birth parents want to hide from us? Why would they not want anyone to know about us? Why would our adoptive parents not want us to know our biological parents? Why would our adoptive parents be hurt if we wanted to know our biological parents? Why would agencies and other adoption organizations fight so very hard to keep we, adoptees, from knowing what all human beings have a right to know; who they came from? If adoption is really so wonderful, and we are loved so much by all, and there is nothing for anyone in the triad to be ashamed of, why is keeping adoptees records sealed so important to the powers that be, which seems, to me, to be everyone but the adoptee, for whom without, adoption would not exist? Who is it that they really want to protect?
If, as an adoptee, being adopted should have no effect on me, if I should be grateful for the opportunity of being removed from one set of parents and placed with others, if I should not feel any anger, grief, or a longing to know my biology, and I have nothing to be ashamed of, or reason to feel rejected, why do the powers that be not want me to know the truth about who I came from? Which is it? Are adoptees a miracle and gift, loved by so many, or a shame filled secret to be protected and kept hidden at all cost, by so many?
If adoption is really in the best interest, and well-being of the child, why are so many people trying to protect everyone’s rights but the adoptee’s? Who is it that the powers that be really want to protect?? Whose best interest, and well-being, is adoption really in? As an adopted “child” I could have believed it was mine. As and adopted “adult”, looking at the big picture, I’m having a hard time buying the bull shit.
“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough”
― Walt Whitman
Oct 2014: You may speak freely, but please try to use words that everyone can hear about your individual story or view. If you don't, those who can actually benefit won't hear it, I want to see change in my lifetime. I may refuse to approve certain comments.
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