Double Standards in Adoption…

06 Nov


I’ve been silent for a while trying to put these thoughts on paper, which has turned into more of a challenge than I imagined it would.  Having said that, these thoughts have sat in the back of my mind since I read an article on changing law to allow adult adoptees their original birth certificate, that’s not what my thoughts are about – just what triggered them.  There are so many ways standards only apply when it benefits adoption, and are completely ignored when it favors the family of birth.  Apologies in advance for mistakes I still don’t see. 

The thoughts?

How hard the higher-ups in adoption work to protect “Birth Mothers” post adoption when legislation is pending to allow adult adoptees access to their Original Birth Certificate (OBC).  The reason: protect the promises made by adoption agencies of privacy (the non-governmental private agency promises).  They want to protect them from the scary thought of having contact with their own babies who are all grown up now.  How they are so concerned that the “Birth Mothers” will not know of the change to the laws (laws mothers may not have even known existed (mine didn’t)), that put at risk any personal promises an adoption agency made to them.  Below is a quote taken from the NCFA here that speaks about opposition to adult adoptees having access to their OBC, because, a “Birth Mother” shouldn’t have to be proactive and know the law.

“Birthparents should not have to be proactive in protecting their fundamental right to privacy.  As noted, some state legislatures have unsealed adoption records while allowing birthparents time to file a “contact veto” preventing the release of their identifying information.  Not only is there no guarantee in these instances that birthparents will be aware of the legislative change, such legislation unjustly puts the onus on birthparents to protect their privacy.”


How little they care about the rights of fathers, and, are just fine with the requirement that they must proactively protect their right to parent their child, or, be turned into “Birth Fathers” against their will.  I never hear them speak of any concern that fathers may not know that a putative registry law was put into place in their state, or, the state the mother just happens to “visit” to give birth in, or, even know what a putative registry is, let alone the standards of conduct and actions that only apply to the father if adoption is pending, and, that it is different in every state. 

Even though the NCFA acknowledges the problem with state hopping, never once in the segment on “Birth Fathers” do they worry about fathers not knowing the law exists, or, was changed…especially when they speak out repeatedly of “Birth Mothers” fundamental right to privacy, and, why should mothers have to be proactive and know about law changes to protect their privacy? 

Resulting in part from highly publicized, contested adoption cases in the 1990s, 35 states have created putative father registries. These registries ensure that an unwed biological father who registers in a timely manner will receive notice of any pending or future adoption proceeding involving his child, allowing him the right to notice and participation in the judicial hearings. “Providing a putative father with adequate notice not only guarantees the protection of his parental rights, but also decreases the likelihood that adoptions will be contested—protecting children’s need for stable, permanent caretakers. Putative father registries can also spare biological mothers the task of personally informing biological fathers, and helps to ensure that those making adoption plans for their children will not find those plans disrupted.

Although putative father registries made great advances in protecting a father’s parental rights, there is much room for improvement. In many cases, it is difficult for a putative father to preserve his rights because adoptions may take place across state lines. For example, if a father registers in Virginia, but his child is placed for adoption in Delaware, he will not receive notice of adoption proceedings. In light of this problem, Congress introduced legislation to create a national putative father registry, which would allow existing registries to liaise with one another and encourage new registries to be created in states that currently lack a registry in order to participate in the national registry.”

You would think the NCFA would feel the same pre-adoption for “Birth Fathers” as the do post-adoption for “Birth Mothers”, and, would be appalled for fathers when you read their Values statement, specifically #5 that family preservation is the first choice.  Nor has anything come of the National Registry, and, I haven’t seen a single call to contact your congressional representatives to get it passed, like I continuously see happen with the Adoption Tax Credit… 

Double standards don’t work for me…


Posted by on November 6, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 responses to “Double Standards in Adoption…

  1. eagoodlife

    November 6, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    Nor me and nor does legislation that either ignores significant parties or gives them rights that are punitive to others. For instance I’m not a fan of vetoes for the majority of people they are unnecesary.They cause great pain and difficulty which could be avoided by better services post-adoption and more realistic, humane expectations prior to adoption. Fathers have rights unless it is proven they have abused those rights, for example a rape that results in pregnancy.


    • TAO

      November 6, 2013 at 10:31 pm

      Von – not a fan of vetoes either but like contact preferences so you know what they want. Totally agree with the father position too. I think how the US (and other countries?) use the law to work around fathers is absolutely horrifying and unethical. Been trying to do several posts on double standards but having trouble with words lately.

      Hope you are feeling better this week than last, and that you are getting out and about enjoying your spring.


      • eagoodlife

        November 7, 2013 at 6:56 am

        Good luck with the posts…that’s a good topic! So many appointments this month I’m all Doctored out! My Daughter’s birthday this week so we’ll have fun celebrating.Good wishes.



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