This probably sounds fine to everyone else…

23 Oct


This makes adoptees seem like aliens from another planet…

“Many media stories and made-for-TV movies present adopted children as alienated, unhappy, or even criminal. The truth is, however, most adopted children grow up to be normal adults who blend in with everyone else.”

Blend in?  Really?  We pass for non-adopted?

How Happy Are Adopted Children?


Posted by on October 23, 2013 in Adoption


Tags: ,

14 responses to “This probably sounds fine to everyone else…

  1. Brent Snavely

    October 23, 2013 at 5:24 pm

    …another “story” that frames adoption/adoptees in a manner the author has deemed fit …


    • TAO

      October 23, 2013 at 9:24 pm

      I know Brent – it just made me mad – almost as if we were so obviously different that we can be picked out in a crowd from those born in the right side of the sheets (how’s that for an old time description of illegitimacy)…


  2. JavaMonkey

    October 23, 2013 at 5:55 pm


    The whole article is farce. They asked a bunch of young kids about their adoptions. These kids were completely dependent upon their adoptive families at the time of the study. Is anyone surprised that they had positive things to say about their adoptions?

    I think back to the (very few) times that my a-parents asked about my adoption feelings. Every time, they phrased it as “Are you angry that we adopted you?” My feelings about adoption were (and are) far more complex and nuanced than their simple question allowed for. My a-parents weren’t interested in a discussion about the complexities of adoption. They just wanted validation. Rather than fight, I just told them I was happy.

    Looking back, I compare these types of questions from adoptive parents to a wife asking her husband if an outfit makes her look fat. There’s only one right answer if you want to stay married.


    • TAO

      October 23, 2013 at 9:27 pm

      Hey Java – haven’t talked for awhile. If they have to study us and I have a love/hate relationship there – the best is a three prong – parent, teacher, adoptee interviewed outside of home…and even then I think the majority is going to speak as positively as possible – simply because of being adopted and the obvious stigma people still see (we can blend in attitude) and not wanting to make parents look bad unless of course they were horrid folk.


  3. Dannie

    October 23, 2013 at 11:58 pm

    These studies would be a bit more balanced if it was a longer study since it’s just based on questionnaires. Longitudinal study I think is the terminology. Like maybe this questionnaire, then ask same kids when they are in their 20s, again in 30s and then in 40s, and frame questions so that honesty shines through. Asking kids in adolescence if they are happy isn’t going to show much whatever group they were trying to accomplish.


  4. cb

    October 24, 2013 at 1:07 am

    First of all, I note the study is from 1994 – it is now 2013.
    Also, I would love to be able to read this following critique (but can’t find it free anywhere) by H David Kirk:

    “Search and Rescue A Belated Critique of “Growing Up Adopted”
    This paper is a critique of a research program carried out by the Search Institute of Minnesota. The report, “Growing Up Adopted,” was printed and distributed by the organization itself, and accompanied by grandiose media claims. “The Largest Study Ever of Adoptive Families in the United States,” it promised to open new vistas on an old subject. Elegantly turned out, the 1994 report shows sets of data built on questionable research methods resulting in inapplicable if comforting conclusions.
    At the heart of the report is a section specifically directed to ideas and concepts derived from Kirk’s work. It highlights the questionable methodology and misleading conclusions of the report as a whole.
    Whereas Part I of this critique deals with weaknesses in the Search Institute’s current research, Part II looks back to data produced by an earlier research program carried out under the same auspices. A decade ago similar problems as those posed in the current study had been explored there. Not only were similar issues studied and approached with greater competence, but the conclusions drawn were more realistic if less comforting. Thus while Part I seeks principally to rescue the good reputation of Kirk’s work, Part II seeks to rescue the good reputation of an organization which had evidently set aside earlier and more competent studies in favor of one with lesser credibility.
    Indirectly this critique is also an indictment of the public granting agency that sees fit to finance research of this calibre.”


  5. cb

    October 24, 2013 at 1:19 am

    Also, I note they say Halle Berry is adopted. Actually Wiki says she was raised by her mother after her parents divorced when she was 4 – and she hardly saw her father again. Her mother didn’t marry again.


    • TAO

      October 24, 2013 at 12:36 pm

      The various famous adoptee lists are always riddled with inaccuracies and aren’t broken down by type of adoption…


  6. eagoodlife

    October 24, 2013 at 2:07 am

    Reblogged this on The Life Of Von and commented:
    Growing up adopted – any thoughts?


  7. Valentine Logar

    October 24, 2013 at 11:12 am

    I pass? Can I just ask what that means?


    • TAO

      October 24, 2013 at 12:32 pm

      Hey Valentine – the pass comment was my interpretation of “as adults we blend in” – the tone of the paragraph made me see adopted children having some identifier that branded them as adopted, whether it was an “A” branded on their forehead, or, the imaginary three eyed alien – and once as an adult it disappeared “enough” so we could “blend in”…does that make sense?

      I know better than to follow links but this was a link so “Birthmothers” who weren’t yet “Birthmothers” could see how well we turned out…that first paragraph just irked me – am also sure others see it as just fine.


      • Valentine Logar

        October 24, 2013 at 11:29 pm

        I know it was your comment, but I read the ‘as adults we blend in’ the same way you did.


  8. Fran Whelan

    October 25, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    So because we learn to build strong support networks as children, because we never know who’s going to be the next person to abandon us, that’s a good thing?
    So what happens when an adoptive parent dies and we’ve been abandoned again? When we go to pieces over another relationship? That’s not healthy…


  9. Beth

    October 26, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Well, it’s good to know I pass as a normal human adult. Just another sales pitch article.
    Where is the study about how happy non-adopted kids are with themselves and their non-adopted loving families, and how they turned out so successful as adults? Or is it only adoptees that are really happy, successful and amazing adults while being possible serial killers? ug



Tell me your thoughts, but please be nice...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: