Two different attitudes…

22 Sep


I have been reading posts on the different orphan ministries sites over the last few years.  The message I hear is a call to adopt the orphans or fatherless.  From my view point they seem to use the terms orphans or fatherless interchangably.  That all children deserve the protection of fathers.  They do at times bring up the concept of family preservation but scant details are provided.

Meanwhile, I also watch the domestic adoption sites and how the message is to choose adoption, a stable two parent family is best, and, you can go on with fulfilling all your dreams.  A few give a nod to fathers – in a “if you are on board with adoption that’s great – you can come to the table and be involved” type of message.  On other sites – the father just doesn’t seem to exist, and some go so far they seem to view him just as an issue to be dealt with to complete the adoption.

So you have the orphan ministries preaching the message to adopt the fatherless – because all children deserve to have a father. 

On the domestic adoption side, it seems like fathers are just an issue to be dealt with – so the child can be adopted.  If a father contests then he has an uphill battle to be a father to his child.  If he loses, and he often does, then statements like the adoption was done legally, and, based on the laws in the state.  Something isn’t right when laws help deprive a father who wants to parent – of his right to be a parent. I do understand the need to have a defined process that doesn’t go on for years in the life of a child – but it has gone way too far in my opinion. 

My question – how do you expect adoption to be seen as valid when depending on the market – the words and actions are so different?  Isn’t it time to go back to finding a home for a child who needs one?  Isn’t that the right message to be sending – considering that every adoption starts as a loss by severing a child from their own family?

The first link below is by Kathryn Joyce – the second link has quotes worth reading by a lawyer about fathers.

From the New York Times – The Evangelical Orphan Boom

From the Post & Courier – Skeptics of Veronica, Desaray cases call for closer look at private adoptions, laws


Posted by on September 22, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child, Ethics


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 responses to “Two different attitudes…

  1. eagoodlife

    September 22, 2013 at 10:53 pm

    When the aim is to demonstrate the micro in the macro and to save a soul there is only one father who counts.Adoption it seems, like many other markets is led by women, they do the choosing and the buying.It is sad to see men cut out of family life when they can make such an essential contribution.


    • TAO

      September 23, 2013 at 2:41 pm

      It’s just sad to see fathers who want to parent shut out when big business requires they not be seen or heard.

      I am still flabbergasted by the quote by the lawyer in the second link about “birthfathers” is a sperm donor…


  2. bluejuliej

    September 25, 2013 at 8:52 pm

    What I really, really don’t get about the “orphan ministries” and their need to “save” orphans is how they fail to realise that the majority of so-called orphans have a birthparent, and even those that don’t are often happily living with their extended biofamilies. They insist that Jesus “calls” them to save orphans… but they’re perfectly happy to scoop up NON ORPHANS.



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