I originally wrote the post below titled Choosing guardians back in 2011 – just a random thought I had about how adoption has prospective parents create these elaborate glossy selling themselves brochures with a “Dear Birthmother Letter”. How little there is to really tell the expectant mother considering adoption – who the prospective adoptive parents really are – and things I would consider before choosing a guardian if I had a child.
A while back, I read a thread about an adoptive parent who had not told the “Birthmother” that they didn’t celebrate Halloween or do a Santa themed Christmas. She was getting stressed that the “Birthmother” would be expecting pictures of the child in their Halloween costume. The replies were primarily don’t worry about it – if she was concerned about what Holidays her child would take part in she would have asked, with a dissenter saying they should have covered that.
Anyway, that to me was facepalm worthy simply because – you have a very stressed out expectant mother who is about to do the unthinkable, and, you think she would have even stopped to think about whether or not the couple celebrated Halloween? I have never met someone who didn’t Trick or Treat as a child…that wouldn’t even cross my mind if I was considering adoption…but I would expect that to be disclosed.
So mothers who are considering adoption…you need to demand more than the glossy brochures painting the prospective adoptive parents in the best possible light. You need to demand a calendar year outlining how your child will be raised – including what holidays they will be allowed to participate in…
In addition you need to be making choices the same way you would choose a guardian, and not rely on someone else telling you they checked them out.
Okay – I recognise and understand that adoption is different from guardianship, but has anyone ever considered how little actual information is in the parent profiles an expectant mother sees?
Sure lots of fun pictures, big houses, vacations, religion or not, description by each spouse about the other, but is it enough? Take a minute and google parent profiles and then pick a family to be guardians for your baby, child, or children.
Would those profiles contain enough information to make an educated decision on something so important? Would you trust the word of someone you never met before, when they said the couple you chose passed the homestudy, instead of needing to do your own research?
I doubt I would. I would need to see the criminal back-ground check, the in-depth physical and psychological profile from their doctor they have gone to for quite some time, the credit report going back at least 10 years, their debt vs assets ratio including credit card debt, their home, their employment history…just about everything about them, before I would consider trusting my child to them. Then they would have to be interviewed, short listed, re-interviewed by myself and other trusted family or friends.
What would you require?