The automatic defensive response by some adoptive parents when bad adoption stories hit the news…
Just a short post to speak to the automatic defensive response I have read by some adoptive parents regarding the Reuters/NBC series on “Rehoming”. Why don’t they include stories about all the successful adoptions and good adoptive parents? It makes us all look bad!
There was no need to include anything about all the good adoptive parents who when challenged, found appropriate resources because it wasn’t about them. There was no need to include stories about all the successful domestic and international adoptions because again, it wasn’t about those examples. If you fit either of scenario – it wasn’t about you. It was about a very serious problem that exists because of the way adoption is set up, there is a dearth of post adoption supports available, including support when all other options have been exhausted. Somebody needed to bring it into the light of day – the adoption industry hasn’t to my knowledge – so who should have?
But as to why stories like this don’t include the good? We can talk about the need to show both the good and the bad in these types of stories, when positive adoption stories speak about the bad stuff that happens too (where are the AP’s crying out for that?). They don’t have to include the terrible stories like what happened to Hana whose “adoptive parents” were convictedyesterday for her death. Nor do they have to talk about “rehoming“, or, countless contested adoption cases because fathers rights are something to be done away with, instead of respected, including the most prominent case where even the UN Special Rapporteur James Anayastands up to speak about Veronica’s rights as an Indian Child. But they do have to talk about the downsides of being adopted. Things such as how even in the best possible situation the adoptee still faces all the additional challenges of being adopted. How adoptees are over-represented in mental healthsettings. How the risk of suicide is higher in the adolescent adopted population compared to non-adopted.
In the mean time, can’t we just start the conversation on this one particular area in adoption that desperately needs to be fixed? Can’t we as a collective group of people connected to adoption put aside our own particular stories, and needs, and push the higher-ups in the adoption industry to step up to the plate and fix the obvious gaps, and flaws, in the existing system? And keep pushing for the child’s sake?
“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough”
― Walt Whitman
Oct 2014: You may speak freely, but please try to use words that everyone can hear about your individual story or view. If you don't, those who can actually benefit won't hear it, I want to see change in my lifetime. I may refuse to approve certain comments.
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