Finding a home for a child vs Finding a child for a home, two different mindsets…
Of all the different aspects of the case about Veronica Brown – the one question I can’t find an answer for: Why would adoptive parents be willing to, or want to, adopt a child whose parent did not want that child adopted? Because that would be a forced adoption, not a voluntary adoption, and I thought we were past all that, at least, that is what everyone proudly proclaims.
That willingness to adopt in cases like this makes no sense, especially when you think about the Golden Rule, and I have yet to ever meet anyone who hasn’t heard of it. All of which circles back to why I strongly believe that adoption must be approached as finding a home for a child who needs a home – not finding a baby for a family who wants one. And, for all those who rebut that with don’t you want parents who want to parent? Of course, which is why I say they can work in conjunction with each other, but the first must always be the primary driver.
Some adoptive parents may feel that those of us that believe adoption must revert back to the mindset of “finding a home for a child who needs one” are anti-adoption. I am not sure how they make the leap from a child-centric position to anti-adoption – but I thought I would try my hand at describing why I believe the process must be that way.
Growing up has all sorts of challenges and stages that we progress through, usually in a fairly typical progression of stages from infant through to young adult. Each new stage is one we must explore, adjust to, and accomplish – before we move to the next stage. Typical developmental challenges the child needs to achieve to become an adult. Now for the one adopted, you add in all the additional challenges of being an adoptee – identity issues, loss and grief, low self esteem / self worth, fear of rejection or abandonment, etc., at different points in childhood. Of course, each will deal with them differently, and feel them in different levels of intensity, and yet those same challenges will impact the adoptee again at different stages of life as well.
My question is why adults would willingly do that to a child who doesn’t need adoption? Can they not step back and recognise what they are doing to a child who doesn’t need adoption? Why add that onto a child, even though we know not all children will respond the same, you can’t predict who will be more, or less, affected by them – why is it worth risking doing that to a child?
Anybody have a better way to explain, or add to, why adoption needs to return to finding a home for a child who needs one?
Happy Sunday and thanks for reading and talking…and by the way, my inability to retain names extends to flowers – so feel free to tell me what the name of the flower above is, it’s one of my favorites and I have them all over the yard…sigh
“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough”
― Walt Whitman
Oct 2014: You may speak freely, but please try to use words that everyone can hear about your individual story or view. If you don't, those who can actually benefit won't hear it, I want to see change in my lifetime. I may refuse to approve certain comments.
Elvis Presley ( 1960 ) Elvis Presley completes his two-year stint is discharged from the US Army. Bank Holiday to Save Banks 5th March ( 1933 ) : To help stop the run on US banks U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt announced a four-day "bank holiday" . All U.S. banks would close effective March 6 to help stop Americans from withdrawing their money […]