“Adult adoptees now aren’t the products of the resources (support) we have now. In 10+ years, we will be able to ask adult transracially adopted people how we did. And it is so case by case. Each adoptee and adoptive parent is different. This is why it’s so important and more and more resources are written and made available to adoptive families. Education is the start, action is the progress.”
While I don’t necessarily disagree with the last part of the comment by an adoptive parent on Facebook in a discussion about transracial adoption, I vehemently disagree with the first two sentences of the statement. Not to mention that finding out after the fact is probably not what you really want to do when parenting. I have been part of the online adoption community for the past six or seven years. That was, and still is, the automatic default answer to reject listening to adult adoptees.
Just like adoptive parents believe they are truly more advanced than what those from previous decades knew when raising their children. You see it play out today from just the last twenty years or so. Those from 1990 decade – didn’t know what the adoptive parents from 2000 decade forward knew. Those from 2000 decade – didn’t know what adoptive parents from 2010 decade forward know. While all of that may be true in some circumstances, it may also be false, especially when those from the prior decades have already parented through the teen and young adult years – as compared to those whose kids are ten and under, and have yet to hit any of the really challenging times.
Hindsight is a very valuable tool to utilize as a resource in how to do the best job you possibly can today.
What also hasn’t changed is that the adoptee is still adopted. That comes with it’s own unique set of challenges to be dealt with at many points throughout their life. When you can say all adoptee’s of today truly feel exactly like they were born into the family – then you can use the excuse that you don’t need to listen to the adult adoptees. Until then, the adult adoptees of yesterday, are still your best resource to understand what it may be like for your adopted child of today.