The need for connection…

23 Aug


I recorded the episode of “Who Do You Think You Are?” that told the story of Chris O’Donnell tracing his paternal ancestors.  I watched the episode this morning, sipping my coffee in the pre-dawn hours (yes, hours), while waking up to what would be another beautiful August morning.  His story was fascinating and he said something similar to “the need for connection” to his ancestors, that is what I have always felt, that wasn’t within mom and dads power to give me.  Why I have spent countless hours researching my ancestors on Ancestry.  I do find it ironic that Ancestry is linked somehow to LDS, and they focus so much on family lines, yet at the same time seem to glorify and celebrate the severing of family lines for adoptees, and, if you look at the state of Utah with their restrictive laws for adoptees…but I will stop myself here instead of ranting further because I am getting off topic, again

Getting back to “the need for connection“…

I was reading Cassi’s post today, which is Part Two from yesterday, and read the paragraphs quoted below, and then came back here to write this post – because it really is what this whole saga regarding Veronica is all about.  She doesn’t need adoption, and her connection to her family severed.

(words below from Cassi’s post linked at the end)

I see this picture and I know she is right where she belongs, where she has always belonged.

Veronica has a chance so many other children, who get caught up in this world of adoption, are denied.  She has it all there before her . . . a family that loves and cherishes her.  That will always understand her strange quirks, her unexplainable likes and dislikes.

She can look at her dad, her older sister, her grandparents, and see herself.  She can share the customs that are unique to her own family.  Can always know, good or bad, crazy or sane, the family she is surrounded by is hers by the strongest bond of all.  Because they share what can never be broken by any law, any court . . . the reality of who they are by the past of those who are a part of them.”

Cassi writes from the heart, and has the gift of crafting her words to not just be read, and heard, but to be felt.  There are more heartfelt emotions to read further in the post.  You can find Part One if you haven’t already read it, on the right hand sidebar of her blog.

To Lori Alvino McGill (Part Two)


Posted by on August 23, 2013 in Adoption


Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

3 responses to “The need for connection…

  1. momsomniac

    August 23, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    It’s funny how easy it is for those of us with family history to take it for granted. It’s the comfortable blindness of unexamined privilege….a privilege few of us with bio-families ever even realize we have.

    This is really hitting home for me now. Our oldest son needs a diagnosis of some neurologically based behavior issues, and other than my husband who has acknowledged having had some similar challenges, we have ZERO bio-family to go to for any perspective. Is it really ADHD? Will he likely outgrow the worst of it? Are there other mental health issues in the family that could enlighten us? Should we be prepared for schizophrenia when he hits puberty?

    My husband has learned to cope with this uncertainty, but I find myself feeling like I am falling into a well as we try to navigate this blind. Son 1 is a bright, shockingly beautiful boy, and the extra uncertainty this creates in parenting him…in helping him map his future…is so terrifying.

    Of course, during all of this, I also think about Son 2, my adopted son, and what he may have to deal with when/if he has children. I have reached out to his original mother, but she may not be able to reach back due to her specific circumstances.

    I know it’s somewhat off topic from the OP, but how valuable an honest and complete family health history would be. Although it wouldn’t be available 100% of the time, it doesn’t seem to me that it would be all that tough for adoption agencies to get that info MOST of the time, especially now, especially in the US. But given stories like the one you reference, the best interest of the children often doesn’t seem to be the real goal.



  2. lynnemiller

    August 23, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    Cassi makes a good point about Veronica not “needing” adoption. Correct me if I’m wrong, didn’t Veronica spend the first two years of her life being cared for by her “adoptive” parents and then moved in with birth dad and his family? The adoption authorities should have spent more time on this case from the beginning. Regarding Momsomniac’s comments, I agree adoption agencies should provide health histories to adoptive parents. I was adopted in the ’60s and I don’t have a shred of family health history. Would be nice to have that information especially since I have a biological child myself.


  3. cb

    August 23, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    Good post as usual by Cassi.

    And Miss Veronica looks so much like her dad.



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