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It’s so reassuring – or not…

29 Jul

By TAO

A couple of days ago I made chocolate chip cookies, hubs favorite cookie, providing I make it from his mom’s recipe.  Never mind that the recipe is pretty much identical to every other chocolate chip cookie recipe – they taste better if I follow the handwritten recipe his mom sent him before she passed away.  So I use that recipe because I understand they taste better because of that memory of being a child eating chocolate chip cookies his mom had just made.

So where am I going with this touching story you may be thinking…

Later that day as I was washing the bowl, cookie sheets, racks, etc., I felt a sting on the back of my hand when I had it under hot (hot) water, so I looked down and noticed a dark purple burned area about the size of a quarter which apparently happened baking the cookies.  Days later the burn is still there and just as dark – but that first day under hot water is the only time I felt the sting.  This time I didn’t really do much damage because I didn’t feel the burn happen – those are the bad ones.  This is another residual of the stroke that I seldom talk about because all things considered, I got away incredibly lucky on the physical side of stroke.  To me it has caused the least impact in my life, unlike my speech and writing which you all have the grace to ignore.

So really, where am I going with this because of what I read yesterday… 

Court Order Only: In every state, a protocol is in place where original birth certificates or information, including medical or identifying information, can be requested if they can meet the state’s required standard of proof. Typically the standard is a high one, requiring an emergent need such as a severe illness that might be able to be better treated with knowledge of medical history, not simply a desire to know the information. (link below)

According to this article dated 2012 by the National Council For Adoption on why they oppose changes to sealed records laws – nothing about the fact that we don’t have the same rights as the non adopted – rather that there are only some acceptable methods for disclosure, one of them being you can rest assured that if you are in a closed adoption, and your child has an emergent need like a severe illness, you can simply go to court, and perhaps be granted access to your child’s adoption file.  You can rest easy knowing that even as an adult, should your child be laying in the hospital, he or she, can simply get up out of bed and go to court and petition the judge to give them their original birth certificate. 

It’s all good…and further they note that most adoptions are open so this issue will subside (see why that is a misconception here)…

Getting back on point about the going to court – here’s what I wrote a while ago (with a couple of edits)…

When you face a medical emergency it is too late to go to the court where the adoption was finalized.  And once you get to the court (which can include travel) you must then submit a petition which then moves slowly through the process before it gets to the judge.  If the judge determines the petition indeed is “good cause” and grants the petition, then you simply have access during business hours to the adoption file.  Once that is done, you must then search for the family taking into account the very real possibility that the mother may have married and changed her name, as well as moved out-of-state.  All of this takes time, effort, and money you do not have when you have a medical emergency.  When you finally find the family (if you are lucky) you must then approach and make contact – all before you can ask for the family health history and sometimes it is not given. 

That process does not work in the case of true medical emergency which is the only time the judge will deem it “good cause” to unseal the adoption records.  Something has to be done to ensure ”best interests” are looked after at the time of adoption and that medical history form you are given is useless within just a couple of years, family health history is not static, and didn’t end at the birth of your child. 

If I remember correctly, I met my very first relative about 13 months after my events which triggered the petition for good cause.  How does that timeline fit with having a medical emergency in which you need your family health history (or more) and need to share your history with them?

I have so much more to say about the article, and none of it good, and perhaps I will revisit it another day.  If you read it – listen carefully to the history and how the laws didn’t seal the records from the adoptive parents – but they want you to believe mothers of birth were promised confidentiality?  Nor do they mention that some states retroactively sealed records, sometimes going back decades…and a whole lot of just stuff that has nothing to do with what Adoptee Rights is about at all…  

Adoptee Rights is about the right to our Original Birth Certificate which is a right the non-adopted have, that we don’t.   

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10 Comments

Posted by on July 29, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

10 responses to “It’s so reassuring – or not…

  1. thealmostdaughter

    July 29, 2013 at 11:11 pm

    I had unusual medical issues from infant but over the years they just treated the many symptoms and looked at me like I was crazy…..found bio family age 50 only to discover birth mom was dying of Lung Ca and Ephysema…I had many lung issues over the years. Found birth father who is now late stage Lung Ca and Colon…maternal grandfather died young with Leukemia…long story short…The reunion sent my physical health over the edge..it all went sideways…had I had the genetic info I could have and would have figured the puzzle out years ago…it all came together after major anaphylaxis and lots of research ..I’m a retired RN so was able to figure it out…I have Mast Cell Acctivation Disorder…a rare disease that has already damaged my lungs, liver, GI, and now my kidneys…My daughter also has symptoms but for me it was a life of stress and reunion that sent the mast cells over the edge. Turns out I also have marked emphysema at 50. I’m 60 now and know that my lungs are mast cell related…it makes me so …so angry to know at 50 when it was almost too late…I got my medical history..and had to fight for that…
    You do so well….We are strong survivors and fighters despite all that we have had to fight for…that should be basic rights…wheew…that was a blurb of words…
    Be well my friend…

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    • TAO

      July 30, 2013 at 12:00 am

      Oh I’m so sorry…but glad you are here…

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  2. eagoodlife

    July 30, 2013 at 1:09 am

    Yes shouldn’t have to fight for what is a right.Especially when it is done to protect not adoptees but those who have secrets to conceal, lies to uphold. Hateful!!!

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  3. Don't We Look Alike?

    July 30, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    I really like what eagoodlife wrote: “when it is done to protect not adoptees but those who have secrets to conceal, lies to uphold.” It’s so shameful. So the process was that delayed for you. 13 months? How “helpful.”

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    • TAO

      July 30, 2013 at 5:31 pm

      In the end it was very helpful information as well as meeting my family but I just got so mad that still in 2012 they trot out that crap that it’s all okay, nothing to see here, carry on – there is an easy solution. I just had steam coming out my ears – especially seeing as I believe if I had that info my doctor would have taken my symptoms seriously, and the first event might have been avoided, and the stroke would never have happened. Burning my hand because its so easy to forget to watch out because I feel next to nothing and then reading that…sigh…

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      • Don't We Look Alike?

        July 30, 2013 at 6:01 pm

        It sounds beyond frustrating to me. I like to know . . . everything. And to feel that your health was seriously affected by the lack of knowledge is horrific.

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        • TAO

          July 30, 2013 at 6:17 pm

          That’s why I turned into a rather angry adoptee…otherwise I would have still be out there working at the job I loved that consumed more hours of my life than it should have…

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  4. womenembracinggodandeachother

    August 2, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    In Illinois I was able to get my original birth certificate, as the laws changed on November of 2011. That piece of paper lead to sister, a brother, an uncle, cousins, aunts, and friends of my birth parents who have embraced me in a major way. My life felt like a struggle – to me – not because of my circumstances, but because there was a whole different side out there that I knew nothing about. The thought of not being able to bring some closure and have some questions answered is unthinkable, and my heart goes out to those who are meeting with roadblocks. Praying peace and healing to my fellow adoptees!

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  5. lea

    August 3, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    scary stuff an adoptee has to go through with no help from nobdy no support from nobdy that the adoptee life

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  6. lea

    September 5, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    people don’t care that the adoptee has to suffer they just don’t care

    the adoptee has no rights no money know way of really living in this world plus nobdy want to be around the adoptee the adoptee is isolated and alone with nothing truly awful and nbody cares

    people don’t even think the adoptee has lost there rights but guess what we have adoptees have no rights

    adoptees don’t have any rights in this world who cant get jobs people don’t want to be around us and we cant have a birth certificate we don’t have money to live on how did we get here plus we are treated badly by people why is that plus people don’t think we have any of these problems I mentioned plus I cant relate to anybody I don’t look like anybody nobody thinks lke me I am over hare everybody else is over there people treat me like they cant stand to be around me why

    I am 50 yearsold and I still don’t know who my birthparent are its so unfair while everybody else can have birthparents adoptees don’t have rights

    adoptees don’t have rights I never had parents and I never knew my birthparents

    (admin combined all comments just made into one comment)

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