My Monday morning grumble is…

24 Jun


When people who are not adopted and have not taken the time to learn adoption history, or have even current understanding of the different components and complexities in adoption today, speak about adoptees making wild assumptions about why we may fit under the categories dreamed up by non-adopted, i.e. the well-adjusted adoptee, the angry adoptee, the mal-adjusted adoptee, the ambivalent adoptee, the happy adoptee, the…. (kind of makes you think of a line of dolls doesn’t it when you label each adoptee as a certain type)

It never crosses their mind that we (adoptees) have the same ability to break adoption down into different components as any other knowledgable non-adopted person in adoption.  Having an opinion on one part of adoption, does not mean that same opinion applies across the board to all components within adoption. (i.e. we can disagree with one part but be perfectly okay with another part)

The other non-scientific means testing done by non-adopted people appears that to fit one of the negative categories dreamed up by non-adopted is that if we have an interest in, or an opinion on adoption and how it is practiced today.  I have an interest in rare disease research, animal welfare, environment and follow all those subjects and form opinions on what is being done right or wrong – yet for any of those interests – would you label me one of the negative terms above like you would regarding my interest and opinions in adoption?  I do have a rare disease, I do have animals that I adopted from shelters, I do practice being environmentally friendly – so why not slap a negative label on me for those opinions – if you apply a negative label to my adoptee status for the same reason?

Good grief people – think before you label us…and a big thank-you to those who chose not to label us…


Posted by on June 24, 2013 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child


Tags: , , , ,

8 responses to “My Monday morning grumble is…

  1. Don't We Look Alike?

    June 24, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    Interesting post . . . . This subject is coming up a bit for both Marisha and me. We’re writing a play together, and we’re trying to unpack those stereotypes and peek behind them, so to speak. There’s always a voice in the back of my head, though, wondering if an audience will “get” it.


    • TAO

      June 24, 2013 at 8:16 pm

      Really good question Luanne – because I can never seem to get the words right to explain it – my best shot was trying to compare the other interests I have that I form opinons on – would anyone say that I am mal-adjusted animal welfare person because I care about animal welfare and speak out when I see something is wrong? Reading one of my regular forums it came up again today…hence my grumble.


  2. eagoodlife

    June 24, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    Guess I’m a crazy cat-lady as well as an angry adoptee then? Good post TAO! x


    • TAO

      June 24, 2013 at 10:56 pm

      And I can only imagine the label for me seeing as I am a vegetarian because I don’t want an animal to die so I can eat it – in addition to just being concerned with animal welfare – I’d get a double negative label for sure that would beat your crazy cat label… 🙂


  3. c

    June 25, 2013 at 1:18 am

    Talking about animal welfare – one thing I’ve noticed in that most people understand that the process is important – eg we know it is important to keep animals in as close an environment as possible to their usual environment, we know that animal trafficking is bad and we know that the end doesn’t justify the means – eg if anyone ever said “But I know someone who has a pet lion and that lion is so happy”, if we discovered that the lion had been trafficked, we would all be outraged about the person having a pet lion, regardless of how well that lion was treated. Yet when it comes to adoption, people always seem to think that as long as the child is happy in their new home, it doesn’t really matter how they got there and if one tries to point out that perhaps there are major issues with corruption or coercion, one gets called bitter and angry and negative.



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