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Promoting adoption…

05 May

By TAO

Nina Easton of Fortune Magazine is apparently a Fox News Contributor.  Up until today I had never heard of her but Think Progress has a news clip of her on Fox.  Talking about the need to celebrate the teen and young adult pregnancies and of course the solution is adoption.  She says more than the quote below so go to the link above and listen to the short clip.

“I would say that in addition to deregulating birth control, another thing we need to do is celebrate young women who bring a baby to term and find an adoptive parent. There’s such a stigma today to being an adoptive birth mom that you’re more willing to admit that you’ve had an abortion than that you are delivering a healthy newborn to a loving family.”

Because it is just so easy to give your baby away.  No worries, no concerns, no grief, no loss, no pain.  Just joy!

She is correct that mothers are stigmatized and put down – you just have to read adoption forums and blogs.  They are saints, selfless, brave, and promised open adoptions – until the papers are signed – then far too often they turn into the birthmother who crosses boundaries, can’t be trusted, unstable, contact isn’t in the best interests of the child, she hasn’t moved on, she needs to get over the pain, she has no legal rights…and the adoption closes.

I doubt a mother ever fully gets over the loss of their child to adoption – even in the best of the best open adoptions – they may find a level of acceptance, carry on with life because what else can they do?  But after carrying and giving birth to your child – you are forever changed.  My mother said decades after I was born: “there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about her and wonder“.  Sure, lets celebrate that and encourage more mothers to give up their babies…

Wanting society to celebrate mothers who choose adoption is setting up many impressionable young women and girls to pain they have no comprehension of until it is too late.  It may also reduce the use of birth control if getting pregnant and giving your baby up for adoption is celebrated.  In my mind it is coercive.  There is enough coercion still taking place in adoption today – lets not add to it.

Instead society should be doing what is needed to support motherhood – that starts with creating maternity benefits through employment insurance to allow paid leave for the first year, and a job to return to afterwards.  A society that wants to see mothers succeed even though it’s hard, and looks into ways that training in job skills is accessible to mothers.  A society that works at making sure fathers pay support, are held accountable, are fathers, and the system easier to navigate for all.

Yet her message is that the answer is adoption – that comes without any legal protections with teeth to keep adoptions open that mothers are promised before those papers are signed, or recognition that it is a life-long sentence of being a mother without motherhood.

Oh, and why her interest in promoting adoption, and why she just happened to have all the details to promote it offered at the end of the clip – she’s an adoptive mother according to this story.  No bias there.

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12 Comments

Posted by on May 5, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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12 responses to “Promoting adoption…

  1. kellie3

    May 5, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    The conservatives in this country are so out of touch with women’s issues. It’s still obvious they still do not understand why they lost the election. That woman’s comment was disgusting and so disheartening!

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    • TAO

      May 10, 2013 at 2:22 pm

      It just made me sad – they know they can’t get away with the shame game so flip to the opposite – same result for the mother.

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  2. teradanielle

    May 5, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    Yes, it is absolutely a life long sentence. I feel as though I have been walking around on the earth only half alive for the past 15 years–in fact some days death would be a welcome relief. And that`s with an open adoption–toxic as it is.

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    • TAO

      May 10, 2013 at 2:23 pm

      Teradanielle – hugs…can’t ever really understand but I try to…

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  3. eagoodlife

    May 5, 2013 at 11:44 pm

    Not another misinformed journalist of bias!! How many do we need promotion something they know nothing about?

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    • TAO

      May 10, 2013 at 2:24 pm

      But Von – she does, she adopted!

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  4. Beth

    May 10, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    “celebrate young women who bring a baby to term”…(wouldn’t that female in any other conversation be called a young mother?)
    Wouldn’t it be something if the majority supported and celebrated young mothers. period. And referred to them as being responsible young mothers for raising their children well? Wouldn’t it just all work so much better for the children if we encouraged our young mothers to be REAL loving and capable mothers that are truly concerned with their children’s best interest? Instead of offering and encouraging ways to get out of it, how they can’t, or shouldn’t do it? I can only imagine how that would change things for everyone, by simply putting it out there in a loud way that – we EXPECT you to be your child’s Mother when you have a baby, because you are.

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    • Beth

      May 10, 2013 at 2:08 pm

      “It may also reduce the use of birth control if getting pregnant and giving your baby up for adoption is celebrated. In my mind it is coercive. ”
      I agree completely. I have seen/heard it from the young people I know, you probably have too. Oh big deal, get an abortion, give it up for adoption if you don’t want to be a mother “go visit your sick aunt” and move along.
      Not a clue. They don’t have the info to see how the effects of adoption could possibly be worse than those hard things you run into while trying to raise a child.

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      • TAO

        May 10, 2013 at 2:24 pm

        Awe Beth – it just makes so much sense but why can’t other see that?

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