Just a wee bit snarky today…
By TAO
(note that no one is making you read this – and if it doesn’t apply to you then you’re good…)
I’m tired…
I’m tired of seeing trite phrases like “all children deserve forever families” and in the next minute I see an “adoption dissolution” happening. Why not just stick with “all children deserve families” and call it a day?
I’m tired of the “cute” adoption sayings that people retweet, or share, or comment on that either include “rescue” or dismiss the “biological” connection. Not the best way to get the public to see adoption as valid.
I’m tired of people seeing the lack of adoptable babies as a crisis, or something to be upset about and work towards finding a way to get more babies in need of families.
I’m tired of seeing advertisements proclaiming it is selfless to give your baby up for adoption.
I’m tired of seeing contested adoption cases where prospective want to be parents fight the father who wants to parent HIS child.
And today, I’m especially tired of adoptive parents feeling left out…
“Adoptive parents are feeling overlooked and demonised in the wake of the national apology for forced adoption policies of the 1950s, ’60s and ’70s. And many feel that their role as parents—spending decades of their lives raising children as their own—has been devalued at the expense of focusing on the loss experienced by birth mothers.”
Seriously? You think the Australian National Apology left you out? Did any of the following happen to you? Shipped away, shamed, shunned, called unspeakable names, disowned by your families, treated badly, strapped to your bed for labor, drugged, sheets hung so you couldn’t see your babe, not allowed to hold or raise your babe, sent home to grieve without support, knew nothing about whether your child was alive, dead, happy, sad, healthy, sick, abused, loved, married, divorced, for literally decades and many still without answers…
No? Then you weren’t left out because it wasn’t about you.
and the title on the 1.30 minute radio program: “Are Adoptive Parents the Forgotten Ones“
Not everything about adoption has to be focused on the wants and needs of adoptive parents…
PS. You can find the Australian National Apology Link in this post if you haven’t already read it.
Tags: adoption, Apology, biological family, fathers, mothers
The adopted ones blog 
everyoneactdead
April 9, 2013 at 7:55 pm
i wish i hadn’t read this because i’m snarky now too and not just a wee bit. John and Joan are classic adoptoraptors, who probably sit around saying they are their children’s ONLY parents. barf.
We should be people who should have been accepted as being the natural parents of the child in terms of raising that child and being offered support for that role,’ he says.
how is it not enough for you that a woman’s life was more than likely destroyed, and her child’s identity erased, just so you could call yourself a parent? how you can live with yourself at all is beyond me. i feel so bad for the adoptees in the article, too. i’m sure no one ever told them that they were probably not rejected by their mothers, but STOLEN.
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TAO
April 9, 2013 at 9:01 pm
Hi Everyone,
To be fair – the adoptive parents had no idea how mothers were treated back then. No excuse for how these two are acting now – but back then it was hidden behind closed doors.
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Snarkurchin
April 9, 2013 at 8:35 pm
The APs feel left out of the one and only conversation about adoption ever that doesn’t revolve around them? This article is so ridiculous that any eloquence I had has completely deserted me, and the only non-curse words I have for it are “TUFF TITTY, JERKS.”
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TAO
April 9, 2013 at 9:05 pm
I read it this morning and tried to get it out of my mind and couldn’t. Then I saw an agency tweet one of those cute sayings – something like “we don’t adopt to rescue you – we adopt because we were rescued” and another saying it was selfless to give a child for adoption – and it all just triggered my little rant. For goodness sakes: Adopt because you want to be parents and adopt a child who actually does need parents.
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gypsyqueen1
April 9, 2013 at 8:53 pm
I knew it was only a matter of time before adopters started crying after this apology, because all the attention wasn’t and isn’t focused on how fabulous and deserving of someone else’s child they are. My good god they cannot even allow the government to say they are sorry for the unspeakable pain so many have suffered at the loss of their children without trying to make it all about them. I am so sick of these types of people I cannot stand it…
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TAO
April 9, 2013 at 9:08 pm
Hey Gypsyqueen. It bothered me something fierce to see that article. The Apology had nothing to do with the adoptive parents or family – they weren’t the bad guys – it had to do with the how mothers were treated and the impact of the practices on many.
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Von
April 9, 2013 at 11:08 pm
Adopters were mentioned in the SA Apology, quite fairly I thought as their role was acknowledged whether they did the best they could or whether they abused and were not good aparents. They were acknowledged in the Natinal Apology and were lucky to get a mention as it’s not about them.All we see in the piece linked are the remarks of two adopters, hardly representative of all adopters who mostly seem to have had the tact and good sense to remain silent. It’s very illuminating, adopters are not used to others in ‘the triad’ having a voice i.e power, influence or a say. Times have changed and they’ll need to get used to it. Their best bet is to accept gracefully, to be supportive and to keep their insecurities to themselves.
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TAO
April 9, 2013 at 11:26 pm
Von – I was flaggergasted when I read it. Hopefully it is just a handful but with that “journalist” you have linked to that didn’t like the apology either so do you really think it will just be few? I don’t think the majority of adoptive parents had any idea how mothers were treated or any of that. They accepted the words of the professionals – regardless if the ended up good or bad.
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Von
April 10, 2013 at 12:49 am
TAO who knows what the silent majority really know or think. I do believe these few lone voices do not represent them though.Just as the more vocal mothers of Origins who wanted ‘this fucking apology’ over don’t represent all mothers and that there is proof of that.
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7rin
April 9, 2013 at 11:11 pm
Reblogged this on Adoption Mania.
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Unsigned Masterpiece
April 9, 2013 at 11:47 pm
I thought it was refreshing that for once it wasn’t all about AP’s. And I agree that people who adopted long ago probably didn’t have any idea what was going on. However, those who don’t recognize it now (because it really hasn’t changed all that much) are being willfully blind.
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teradanielle
April 10, 2013 at 1:29 am
Thank you! I am sickeningly tired of it all as well.
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Campbell
April 10, 2013 at 2:06 am
I personally think a “forever family” is important, having grown up bouncing from family to family to family until I turned 18 and then had no family at all.
However, everything else you said is right on!
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JavaMonkey
April 10, 2013 at 10:51 am
APs deserve to be the public face of adoption, and all conversations about it must be with them and about them. They paid good money for these worthless bastard children. How dare the government apologize without their consent? If anything, the government needs to send APs a refund for all the money they spent raising these ungrateful bastards. Instead, they apologize to the no account, drug addicted, wellfare queens who birthed them. It’s so unfair. The mother didn’t pay for that child, the APs did! Apologize to them!
I love snark!
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