The problem of how an “adoption issue” is viewed by some…
Other children do the almost the same thing so it’s not an “adoption issue”…
So if other children go through a stage are they having a “biological issue” is the retort I say in my mind, and just shake my head in wonder at the denial about being adopted.
The problem is that “issue” has become something to deny happens – because adoption is win-win-win so there can’t be “issues”…and if there are “issues” something is wrong with the child, so then it still isn’t about adoption.
The adding “issue” on for some is like it’s a four-letter-word, and it happens all to often. Someone talks about the new phase their child is in, and notes something said or done, if you dare to mention it might have something to do with being adopted – then the denials about adoption having any effect at all spring forth, immediately.
You don’t have to take an adoptees word for it – there has been study after study, paper after paper, adoptive parenting classes, lectures, conferences, all stating that the adoptee has many additional layers and challenges to work through over the course of their life, that non-adopted don’t have…
Despite that there is always someone chiming in that it isn’t an “adoption issue”.
I agree – it isn’t an “adoption issue” as you see it – it’s just fact…
Some adoptees have a harder time, some have an easier time getting through the normal phases of life, complicated by being adopted. We are all unique and we all have to deal with it in our own way, and in our own time.
The use of “issue” in this way makes it out to be something bad, something that means what you are dealing with isn’t normal. It makes it shameful. Perhaps we need to stop using “issue” for the normal realities most adoptees will face and deal with at one or many points in their life – either with or without you.
To me dealing with the additional facets is just part of being adopted, and using the word “issue” then becomes a negative in adoption, and yet, in other aspects of life we all go through, the word “issue” isn’t applied. Why?
When a parent passes away are you going through a “grieving issue”?
When you get in an accident and end up in the hospital, and need physical therapy is that an “accident issue”?
Witnessed something terrible that gave you nightmares for months, is that a “witness issue”?
None of the above are “issues” – just what you have to deal with if life throws it your way. Being adopted is one of the challenges life threw at me, and I have to deal with all that it entails – dealing with it, going through it – doesn’t make me abnormal.
“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough”
― Walt Whitman
Oct 2014: You may speak freely, but please try to use words that everyone can hear about your individual story or view. If you don't, those who can actually benefit won't hear it, I want to see change in my lifetime. I may refuse to approve certain comments.
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