Not really much to say…

27 Dec

A Belated Merry Christmas to everyone – I meant to do a post and then forgot.  Hoping your celebrations were the way you wanted them.  Mine were perfect, low key and with the people I wanted to see and spend time with.  Of course, I would have loved to meet up with people who I only know on-line but…

Having said that – the weather sucked.  We had snow a week before Christmas and I had my fingers crossed, and then rain, rain, and more rain.  The picture at the end of the post, while not the best, shows what one of the squirrels thought of it too.

Now to add the adoption bit into the post.  I was reading the NCFA documents that are part of their “birthparent” counselling package.  Many of them disturbed me, but this made me scratch my head.  Below is the blurb at the top of the formerly called “Positive Adoption Language” now called “Accurate Adoption Language“…who can keep up with all these changes – hey?

Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. For example, when a TV show or movie contains language about a “custody battle” between “real parents” and “other parents,” this reinforces the inaccurate notion that only birth parents are real parents and that adoptive parents aren’t real parents. Members of society may also wrongly conclude that all adoptions are “battles.”

Accurate adoption language can stop the spread of misconceptions such as these. By using accurate language, we educate others about adoption. We choose emotionally “correct” words over emotionally laden words. We speak and write in appropriate adoption language with the hope of influencing others so that this language will someday become the norm.

Under the Acceptable column is: Person / Individual who was adopted

Under the Less Acceptable column is: Adoptee

And of course “was adopted” is Acceptable, and “is adopted” is Less Acceptable.

So using the term “Person / Individual who was adopted” for myself, will stop the spread of misconceptions such as what?  That I am an adopted?  I am.

I’m missing the connection between my identifying as an “Adoptee” and emotionally laden words.  It’s a term. I do know that writing out “Person / Individual who was adopted” will not be on my list of New Year’s Resolutions.  Adoptees should be free to use whatever terminology suits them.  Not what some group of “People / Individuals who were not adopted” want us to use.

And what’s with the use of three different “A Words”: Accurate, Acceptable, Appropriate?  Couldn’t get a consensus on which was the right – less emotionally laden term?

Anyway – have a Safe & Happy New Year – if I don’t talk to you before then…

Now the picture of the wet squirrel – and don’t judge the picture quality – it was taken from inside the kitchen with a flash it was such a dreary grey and rainy day.



Posted by on December 27, 2012 in Adoption, Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , ,

12 responses to “Not really much to say…

  1. kellie3

    December 28, 2012 at 12:49 am

    From a person/individual that is not adopted, this language stuff kills me. Someone sits around to think through language to manipulate others? That’s scary and sad.


    • TAO

      December 28, 2012 at 1:03 pm

      I know – every time I read this stuff I am shaking my head. How about working on real stuff like “ethics” and true “best practices” in adoption and ensuring things are done correctly. Good to hear from you “person/individual that is not adopted”.


  2. Michele KS

    December 28, 2012 at 1:33 am

    I read George Orwell’s 1984 in high school, and I remember the state changed the language to “newspeak” in order to control the people. This is the same sickening propaganda, and I don’t understand why people can’t see it.


    • TAO

      December 28, 2012 at 1:05 pm

      Hi Michelle. No idea why either. From someone who has lived more years as an adoptee than any of the “professionals” have in adoption, being told what I can call myself or any other terminology – doesn’t fly.


  3. cb

    December 28, 2012 at 4:07 am

    Merry Christmas to you, “Fellow Person/Individual Who Was Adopted”.

    Funny how it is those who “love adoption” who are always the ones who no longer want adoption to ever have any relevance in their children’s life once the adoption has been finalised.


    • TAO

      December 28, 2012 at 1:06 pm

      To true “Fellow Person/Individual Who Was Adopted”. Too true.


  4. Dannie

    December 29, 2012 at 12:09 am

    As a speech therapist, there is a time for semantics… makes a difference in communication…..however, in some areas when it pertains to people and feelings, sometimes Semantics cannot be supervised as feelings are different and that is ok.


  5. Valentine Logar

    December 29, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    As an adoptee, I think I will stick to language that is accurate.

    Have a happy New Year.


    • TAO

      December 30, 2012 at 2:14 pm

      Val – it seems such an easy term to use vs what is deemed acceptable. I saw your post yesterday and had to laugh because I had the post you linked too, saved on my favorites bar to read.

      I hope you have a happy New Year too!


  6. Marijane

    December 30, 2012 at 12:41 am

    wow, that’s illuminating– from another “adoptee.”


    • TAO

      December 30, 2012 at 2:12 pm

      Marijane – after you commented I finally figured out why ‘adoptee’ isn’t acceptable. Adoptee is a legal term that is used as the opposite of ‘adopter’ (or adoptor). Parents in the states today seem to think ‘adopter’ is an insult, although it is widely used in Europe and other countries like Australia as simply a term that identifies they have or are adopting children. Mom will still use the term ‘adopter’ when it is the right term to use in a sentence – but then she has no insecurities surrounding adopting so perhaps that is the difference.


  7. catfishmom

    January 13, 2013 at 6:10 am

    I used to feel as though I was adoption and used to tell people that “adoption is an action, not a condition”. Since going through a lot of personal growth and recognizing trauma this year I feel that for me every day I am adopted, and I have earned that distinction. This is just a personal reflection on my own story and I would not apply it to other people who think differently.



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