No, I did not have a bad experience…

07 Dec


And yes, I need to stay off Facebook 🙂

Once again, the adoptees who want things to be done correctly in adoption are thrown under the bus by both prospective and adoptive parents on a page devoted to adoption.

So many comments centered around (paraphrased): – My husband was adopted and only has positive views of his adoption.  or  Read the negative to learn what not to do because they bad parents.  or  Happy adoptees are too busy living their lives.  or  Those that feel like they have been wronged need others to agree with them….

Which by the way

To the first statement – So Do I

The second statement – NO I did NOT have bad parents

The third statement is offensive – I only WISH I could be too busy

The fourth statement – not even going to go there…because I would probably be using the adage of pot meet kettle

None of those “throw the adoptee under the bus” statements make unethical adoptions, sealed record laws, lack of current family health history available to adoptees, directive counselling with adoption as the end goal instead of non-directive counselling, adult adoptees at risk for deportation due to citizenship paperwork not completed, lack of post adoption support, lack of education about the challenges adoptees face simply because they are adopted, BAD things to speak out about.

If people DON’T speak out about unethical behavior, lack of foresight on behalf of the adoptee, protection of mothers and fathers, just what kind adoption world will we have in another twenty years?  We have already moved from many things that were NOT acceptable in 1976 to being standard practice today.

At least bringing attention to the flaws in the system, and talking about it, is the first step in bringing back adoption to what it should be “finding a home for a child who needs a home” – not finding a baby for family who wants a baby.  Note those two statements are not mutually exclusive but the primary focus is.

P.s. I am speaking about domestic infant adoption…


Posted by on December 7, 2012 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics


Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

9 responses to “No, I did not have a bad experience…

  1. Dannie

    December 7, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    You are on Facebook? Lol


  2. TAO

    December 7, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Yes – but I do my best to avoid it most of the time…see Sarah or Debbie’s friends and you will find the right me…


  3. adoption law

    December 7, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    That’s the thing – people want to fit adoption into a box…they tell the story with statistics, generalizations, and stereotypes. They are only looking at the surface-picture of a deep and complex reality.


    • TAO

      December 7, 2012 at 10:03 pm

      Thank you for your comment – sorry it took so long to be approved.


  4. monk-monk

    December 7, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    People who ONLY have a positive view of their adoption (OR ANY OTHER THING) are delusional and in denial, in my humble opinion. Even people who win the lottery or a Hawaiian vacation complain of something…a sunburn, or not fast enough service at the swim up mojiito bar…I mean, come on people, get with it…nothing is 100% rainbows and cupcakes, and people who aren’t willing to see that are lame.

    Just my humble opinion of course 🙂


  5. Tara S.

    December 10, 2012 at 7:01 am

    I’m an adoptee and an adoptive mom. Nothing frustrates me more than speaking from my heart as an adoptee to other adoptive parents only to have my feelings written off as anger. THAT makes me angry. I only want to make things better but unfortunately too many are wrapped up in their feelings to listen and open up to adult adoptees or even their children. Makes me sad.


    • TAO

      December 10, 2012 at 12:58 pm

      I have seen that on-line when individuals like yourself who hold dual views still do not have the crediblity that being solely an adoptive parent has. It is sad and frustrating.


  6. Jeff Nguyen

    January 6, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    I can relate to much of this, I wrote about some of my experiences as an adoptee if you are interested.


  7. Jeff Nguyen

    January 6, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    Sorry for double posting here and on your About page, I didn’t realize I was in the same blog.☺



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