November 17th prompt…Adoptee connections
Did you know many adoptees growing up? Do you know more now? How have adoptee friendships (online or in-real-life) impacted your experience? How do you generally make adoptee connections?
The prompt isn’t sparking anything that fits the questions, but I wanted to talk about something kind of related, it’s an adoptee connection – sort of.
There was an on-line conversation about adopting the children of a very close relative that passed away. That they wanted to change the children’s names. The advice was varied from “only do it if you really feel you have to” – “to go for it” – but even those cautioning against it came from two different places. The point was brought up that the children have lost so much, would be lost and confused, and then lose their names, their identity, as well. They asked how would they explain changing the name their mother gave them – which is very wonderful and I applaud them for saying it – except for the fact that one tied it specifically that it was important because it was a close relative who was the mother who passed away…
What is the difference if the child was related or not? Why was being related important? Every single child who is adoptable, has also lost enough…
Why is it okay to change any child’s name when they become adoptees – if it isn’t okay to change the name a mother gave – just because she was a very close relative? Why did just those children lose so much, and how could they take away the name their mother gave them? Somehow because it was a close relative, it made it different, and it shouldn’t have, every single adoptable child has already lost enough and it is a tragedy.
Every child should be offered the same respect and understanding that being adopted is a confusing time (to say the very least). That they will be lost, and losing their name and identity may add to the loss. It bothered me because even though denial that blood matters is predominant in the adoption community – deep inside of some – being as it was a “relative” somehow gives more status to think of the child as more worthy of respect, and that the loss was more tragic.
It just struck me as wrong – every child losing their family is tragic…every single one.