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The Unexpected prompt…

15 Nov

November 15th prompt…The Unexpected

Is there an area of your life that most people would not suspect has been affected by your adoption in which being adopted has been an issue? How do you handle that area when discussing with other people?

Where hasn’t my adoption been an issue would be the better question.  Being adopted weaves itself into all facets of your life – some minimal, some maximal, and in-between…

Family: Even though mom and dad had no insecurity issues about their role in our lives – by the time I found my voice to talk about the hard aspects – there was no point – it was too late and they were too old.  When we talk about adoption today my voice is always matter of fact, unemotional, and still today mom would tell you that I never was very curious, or had many feelings about being adopted.  I think my insecurity played a role, and perhaps if I had not been the one who wanted to make everyone happy – it might have been different.  Too late now.

Work: Overly stressed about being perfect – I did a post on it for the adoption and your professional life prompt.

Health: You all know adoption, and being adopted, smacked me in the face in this area.  Reality sucks sometimes.  I have been very blunt in speaking about my anger over my lack of family health history because of adoption to my doctors.

Marriage: This I wasn’t expecting adoption to play as big a role as it does in my 2nd marriage, but I found my voice (literally and figuratively) after I got sick, so he has had to watch, and be there, while I go through this new phase.  He has done pretty well, the reunion emotions, the tears, the anger, and his deep anger at some of what happened.  I think I feel completely safe to be me with him – because he stuck around as a boyfriend when I got sick, and many wouldn’t have done that.  With him I know he will never let me go, and that’s a damn fine feeling – perhaps one of the few times in my life I have felt that secure.  It feels good to be free to be me…

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4 Comments

Posted by on November 15, 2012 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics

 

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4 responses to “The Unexpected prompt…

  1. Susan Perry

    November 15, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    TAO,
    We have a lot in common! My mom, now deceased, probably would have said I never showed much interest in adoption either — I was very busy trying to keep everyone happy as well. I knew she wasn’t comfortable going there, so I didn’t. I too was very perfectionistic. And I was turned down for a medical study because I had no access to health history when I was diagnosed with Stage 2 malignant melanoma. Like you, I have a supportive spouse who gets me and would like to see the practice of adoption overhauled. Amazing how much some of us have in common once we start to share.

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    • TAO

      November 15, 2012 at 10:18 pm

      Hey Susan – I couldn’t enter one of the studies I am in on my disease until I had my family health history either…when I finally did they put me in part for dna testing to determine gene(s). The other study I am in is specifically about the event/disease/arteries involved, but they did ask for ffh as well but it wasn’t required.

      We are all different and same at the same time – the prompts are really showing this…the underlying themes.

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  2. andy

    November 16, 2012 at 1:41 am

    “It feels good to be free to be me…” That is so very awesome and something we should all strive for.

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  3. shadowtheadoptee

    November 16, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Uhm, here’s a surprise…ditto. lol

    Insecurities did show up in my adoptive mother after I reunited with my first father. It really surprised mme after all those years of being reunited with my first mother, and not seeing anyinsecurities. The whole thing was just weird.

    …and ditto on the husband thing too. Thank God for a man who loves mac n cheese. lol

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