Taking a Break prompt and reasons why I don’t

06 Nov


November 6th prompt…Taking a Break

Have you ever taken a break from adoption related things such as blogs, forums, or groups? If so, how did it help you (if at all) and why did you come back? If not, what is the biggest draw for sticking around for long periods of time without a break?

I haven’t taken a break for the primary reasons a) the subject of adoption interests me, b) I have made some valuable friendships on-line and I need the social connection to the world.  I was considering adding something else until I read the link below – which is another reason I keep talking…

Yet another heart breaking starvation case.

What bothers me though is a comment asking why they had to identify the child as adopted.  I fully support identifying the child as adopted – for too long abuse in adoptive homes has been hidden from the public.  The public perception of adoption is all good and that adoptive parents are saints and can do no wrong, which in itself is problematic for the adopted child in an abusive home, because if the public believes this – any red flags will be dismissed because they are the good guys.

It wouldn’t be necessary if the adoption groups used their lobbying power to make damn sure the laws required the processes be so stringent that only the good people could pass, and post adoption monitoring was more than just a process.  It would be great if the adoption groups started a dialogue and brought the problems forward, but I have yet to see any whisper of concern.  All I see is the promotion of adoption.  Washington state is a prime example – when the recommendations by the committee charged by the Governor with investigating abuse in adoptive families – brings forward suggestions that point to the home study process, and even go as far as recommending any home study be registered with the court, regardless of whether it was withdrawn, approved, or denied – then you know they have a pretty good idea of where the problem is.  And the kicker – most of those suggestions are common sense ones that should have already been made, or implemented by the agencies without the need for laws requiring it.  You can read about it here if you missed it earlier Report worth reading.


Posted by on November 6, 2012 in Adoption, adoptive parents


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3 responses to “Taking a Break prompt and reasons why I don’t

  1. andy

    November 6, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    Great point! If we stop talking, people will have no one to listen to. So please keep up the great dialogues you have going here.


  2. Valentine Logar

    November 8, 2012 at 11:24 am

    You are right. I once said if my adoption had taken place 30 years later my second mother would never gotten past a home study. But the more I read the more I realize, she would have. Crazy as hell and not fit to raise children, she still would have. This is what needs to change.


    • TAO

      November 8, 2012 at 12:49 pm

      Valentine – I have heard and read about couples being denied and advised to look for a more friendly home study provider – that speaks volumes. Of course I can see the very rare ones being just a bias of the home study worker – but RARE when their job depends on revenue. That revenue aspect combined with the somewhat frequent advice to shop for another provider are huge red flags in my opinion.



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