Day 4 and my feelings on Natural Fathers? This one is easy. I wrote this poem for D, my first father. It was in honor of our first Father’s Day together. It still makes me smile. I hope you enjoy it.
“To my Father”
By Shadow June 2006
For all those years, I did not know.
Just how deep the feelings really did go.
Just how strong the bond would be,
And how so very important he was to me.
Even though we had never met,
For some reason, this man, I could not forget.
Why did this stranger always seem to have this place in my heart?
Why, in my life, did he play such a big part?
Who was this man? Did he even know,
That I existed, that I missed him so.
Did he ever wonder? Would he someday find me,
Or would we be better off to just let things be?
Although I wouldn’t admit it, and I told myself I didn’t care,
I needed to know him. I needed him to care.
I buried the feelings so deep down inside,
But the truth will come out. The truth you can’t hide.
As time passed on, the desire grew stronger.
Who was this man? I could wait no longer.
Something inside would not let me be.
The time had come to set the truth free.
For years I wondered, did he really just walk away,
Or was there more to the story, something no one would say?
Then my heart told me, I wasn’t being fair.
How did I know for sure, he really didn’t care?
I had to know. I could wait no more.
When I knocked, would he slam the door?
God took control at that point and time,
As He usually does when He has something in mind.
For on that day when I was conceived,
A gift from God was later to be received.
At that time no one realized what God had done,
All would have to wait for the right time to come,
And on that day so far in the past,
God created a bond, a bond that would always last.
That bond he placed between this man and me,
Because He knew someday strangers we would no longer be.
There are certain bonds that can’t be broken,
By time, or lies, or things unspoken.
A bond created by God’s own hand,
Can never be destroyed by mere mortal woman or man.
So in God’s perfect time the truth was revealed.
And now with his help my heart is beginning to heal.
This man is a blessing, a gift God gave to me,
And to this man I hope a blessing I will also always be.
What more can I say about my feelings on first fathers? D and I have had our ups and downs, as all reunions do. The poem still fits, is still true, and will always be.
Love you Dad,
TAO’s thoughts on the Natural Fathers prompt