Adoption and Stereotypes

By TAO

November 1st prompt…There are a lot of stereotypes when it comes to adoption.

How do you NOT fit the stereotype?

The stereotype: If you are a verbal adoptee who blogs or posts on forums then you are unhappy.

I am a contented person who loves gardening, reading, my animals, and nature.  I am a homeowner and wife, but I am not cut out to be a housewife.  I thrived in the business world, and mourned my retirement.  I am very interested in politics, science – primarily medical and genetic advances, and protecting the environment, and now, learning everything I can about adoption past, present, and future.

My impetus to joining the on-line world came when I became sick, and found out my family health history would have provided a detailed road map to the risks I faced.  Once on-line, I found out the adoption agencies, and adoption advocates and awareness groups, have done nothing meaningful to alleviate the risks of living your life without your family health history since I was adopted so many years ago.  I have routinely checked over the years, and it is not even a topic for study, or improvement, and that makes me feel sick inside – knowing others will be affected like I was.  I was frustrated then, and am frustrated now, by the complete lack of concern I find in this area, that it is just the risk accepted on behalf of the future people adopted.

My journey evolved into learning the history of why adult adoptees all over the states are denied the right to their own history and original birth certificates, and the sheer number (in the millions) of adoptees like me out there.  How demeaning it is to always be considered a child to be protected from our own history, while simultaneously seen as a threat to our own mothers by those in adoption, further compounded by the stereotype of how mothers would choose abortion than having the threat of one day meeting their adult children hanging over their heads.  How full of stereotypes and lies that propaganda really is.  The picture that is painted of what they actually think of adoptees – is mired in stereotypes  of us from the 1950’s.  How unwilling adoption advocates and awareness groups within adoption are to support adoptees in changing the law – rather – most will fight tooth and nail to keep the status quo – and you really have to ask what exactly do they have to hide?

What’s your least favorite stereotype?

That all mothers who surrender – willingly chose adoption. 

That wasn’t true in my era, and from talking to mothers today – it isn’t true now either.  It breaks my heart when any mother who would be a great mom “chooses adoption” because it is the only good solution because we as society, haven’t been willing to give them a hand-up in the early years.

There are even stereotypes in the adoption community. How do you fit into those stereotypes?

I don’t fit into any of the stereotypes, nor do most people I have met.  I found this quote that sums up my experience within the adoption community.

“Stereotypes are devices for saving a biased person the trouble of learning” ~ Author unknown…

*****

While I was writing this  – I was also listening to this ted talk…

Lemn Sissay: A child of the state

Literature has long been fascinated with fostered, adopted and orphaned children, from Moses to Cinderella to Oliver Twist to Harry Potter. So why do many parentless children feel compelled to hide their pasts? Poet and playwright Lemn Sissay tells his own moving story.

(some views don’t show the Ted link – let me know if you see it in the comments, or to access the link to go to the comments)

Don’t miss Shadow’s thoughts about the November 1st prompt.