Those People

09 Sep

A self-professed adoptive mother just stated that “health issues are often used as an excuse for continued contact by Adoptee Rights people.  No, that isn’t an exact quote (I cut some words) and comes from a forum I don’t normally read.  Please note that I used self-professed because even though she states she is the adoptive mother of a teenager from Korea, it is hard for me to believe she is an adoptive parent.  I can’t understand how someone who has been involved in adoption for well over a decade and is on-line, wouldn’t understand exactly what Adoptee Rights are about.  Plus, how her use of the words “Adoptee Rights people” comes off insulting, and shows her complete and utter contempt by adding “people” combined with her obvious hatred strewn in her posts for those “random women” (aka the child’s mother).

It boggles my mind that if she really is an AP – that she is so bloody clueless and unfeeling.  It shocked me!  It makes me very thankful that I know so many adoptive parents who are NOT clueless, or unfeeling, and who stand up for Adoptee Rights and for mothers.

If anyone you know holds fallacies about what Adoptee Rights is all about, here is a primer created by Amanda at The Declassified Adoptee.

Amanda’s Guide to Adoptee Rights

Send them to Amanda first, and then to the Adoptee Rights Coalition website to the post below that shows in a chart by state the laws and how each has state has different rules and options for adult adoptees.  How few rights we have to our own original birth certificate.

Adoption Info-graphic: OBC Access by US States

Finally, as to the using “illness as an excuse“…okay that really burns me for two reasons.  The first reason is obvious – it has NOTHING to do with Adoptee Rights!  

The second reason it burns me is because of all people in this world who should give a damn about adoptees well-being, it is an adoptive parent.  Implying we use it as an excuse is insulting.  For any adoptee born in a closed state, if you get sick, and I mean sick enough to warrant a judge to unseal your sealed adoption record, it means you really needed it.  Judges don’t like to unseal court records.  In addition to trying to navigate the system while sick, the system of unsealing records is not done in a timely manner. If you are successful, you are left with decades old information about your mother, there is a good chance she has married and changed her name, moved, or already passed away.  It took me 13 months after my events to make my first contact with my relative who knew about me.  That is not even close to timely enough to help when you really need information.


Posted by on September 9, 2012 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , ,

14 responses to “Those People

  1. nutsfortreasure

    September 9, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    As a birth Mother who found her son when he was 31 I am so sorry I held fast to the RELINQUISHING ALL RIGHTS form in 77 and not finding him when he was just 18.
    Who knows what he was told for all those years. Was he told what they paid for him?
    I never asked for or got a dime but surly the agency did! They said they supported him
    in finding me but sadly when he and I did they saw real JOY on his face and allowed him to
    see how scared THEY WERE of my love for him. I never had another baby as I missed him too
    much to ever take that chance again. He is 35 and has no children. The only regret I now have
    is that I allowed him to meet me and know me for now his world is no longer a nice neat little package.

    I am so sorry you never got your questions answered and he has yet to in 3 years ask a medical question of me though I could tell him plenty

    Again so sorry you never got to hug or talk all I can say is your never forget child you carry for 9 months and others tell me you never forget an abortion either. Me being a birth Mom can assure you she did care.


  2. Dannie

    September 9, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    I live in a closed/sealed obc state. Based on the little info I know, I’m always paranoid about my child’s health. My only peace of mind is that because my health insurance and Pediatrician for L is very into preventative care, every year my child goes through a full bloodworkup, because of the ‘possibilities’. It still isn’t enough, but I know other pediatricians and insurance/HMO that will not go the extra mile if they see a ‘healthy’ child. I hate that this is our normal, but I’m grateful my medical community at least listens to my concerns due to sealed records.


  3. Fran Whelan

    September 10, 2012 at 6:59 am

    ‘excuse’? How dare she!


  4. Valentine Logar

    September 11, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    There are idiots everywhere in the world. I was very fortunate, though my adoption was sealed which in the 50’s wasn’t at all unusual my birth parents (both of them) put into my file Letters of Consent. They updated those letters every 5 years my entire life. When the judge saw those letters the files were opened and handed over to Washington Adoptees Rights, it took no time. Literally from the time the original appeal was filed to the time I met my mother it was 7 weeks.


  5. shadowtheadoptee

    September 11, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    O.K., you really are trying to get me fired up and blogging again. lol Excuse? REally? Heck, I wasn’t ven the one that wanted the “medical” info. People are amazign.


  6. Gloria Tanner

    September 13, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    I adopted a set of 8-year Guatemalan twins, 5 years ago, through the foster care system. They remembered quite a bit when I first adopted them, so I wrote down what they told me. Now, over the years they have forgotten most of it. Every now and again they want to talk about it, and I don’t hold anything back. I was able to take the adoption paper work to the hospital where they were born and get their birth records. I even have a copy of their little footprints (we don’t have baby pictures, but we do have footprints). I would never hold anything back from them, as this is a part of who they are. You can read how my daughter feels about adoption here


    • TAO

      September 16, 2012 at 3:21 pm

      Gloria – your comment got caught in the spam filter. Like all types of adoption each happen for their own reasons – some because of societal mores – some because of real safety concerns.


  7. b.

    September 14, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    It is really saddening to read a statement like this from a fellow adoptive parent, and it makes me mad. I am sorry to repeat the obvious, but I thought it might be appropriate to add a comment from an adoptive parent here as well.
    First, about the “excuse thing”: How can anyone diminish the importance of medical background information for the person who he/ she is responsible for? I would like to think any parent would be extremely grateful to obtain whatever information available, to be able to give the best care possible.
    Second, it is hard to believe anyone would use the word “random people” for the mother who gave birth to a child one claims to love and to raise as one’s own. When are parents like this lady going to learn that adoption is not about HER, but about her adopted child’s rights and well-being?
    *shaking my head in disbelief*


  8. TAO

    September 16, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Thanks guys for all your comments. I was flabbergasted…

    When you dismiss, talk nasty about the child’s natural parents – you run a grave risk at some point in the childs life, of the child assuming they are no good either. Makes me sad for her child as well as her because any sharing of feelings are off the table – the child knows what is acceptable and may internalize any feelings.


  9. lopk

    June 8, 2013 at 9:26 pm

    it is disguting how an adoptee is treated in this world and its even more disguting how non adoptess treat adoptees the non adopted people do nothing but abuse the adoptee


  10. lopk

    June 8, 2013 at 9:32 pm

    its upsets me that the non adopted can know there birth family and can have any relationships they want but they can deney the adoptee if they want relationship and know who there birth family is its abusive its wrong how people decide my choice for me the adoptee and then when they trun bad I am suppose to deal with by myself and handle the problem on my own when I didn’t even make these choice for myself and non adopted people can make choices for them sleves but wont let adoptees make choice for them selves its abusive


  11. lopk

    June 8, 2013 at 9:34 pm

    the adoptee has no rights in this world but the non adoptees have all the rights its abusive


  12. lopk

    June 8, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    and the non adoptee loves to rub in the adoptee face how many friends they can get and how loved they are in this world while the adoptee get nothing but abused and rejcted in this world



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