What the ?

04 Aug

I was reading Reform Talk’s FacePalm Friday post and they highlighted this…

Why Does Adoption Take So Long? from the Adoption Diaries Blog…

The post starts off with pretty standard fare for adoption today, but then it veers off into the place no one today wants to admit…money talks and people lie…

Has anyone out there been able to speed up the international adoption process? I realize that it’s quicker to adopt an Indian daughter if you are Indian and live nearly anywhere. It also helps to possess wads of adoption cash.

Domestically, I spoke to a single dad of two adopted American children and although he won’t go on the record (he is a gay dad who had to lie about his partner throughout the Home Study and adoption paperwork) this gay did swears that the second adoption only took a few months because everyone knew he was ready to plunk down $80,000 for a perfect little blond, Caucasian newborn.

(Off the record, this dad told me that his first adoption of a transracial child — also a private adoption via birth mother and attorneys — took much longer than adoption number two. He confirms that thick bank accounts can speed your process along.)

Hmmm…I wonder how the life book starts off for the perfect little blond, Caucasian newborn.  I lied on my homestudy to be approved to adopt and then I spent 80K…

Recently, I had a prospective adoptive parent lay into me for daring to say in another post “An adoptee can already feel the sting of how money plays a role and fundraising may add to this feeling of being a commodity…how would you like to feel bought and paid for? (although she left out “feel” in her response).  No, of course adoptees don’t feel the sting of how money plays into adoption.  Why, we would be silly to view some adoptions as transactions.

Good grief…

Yes, I know there are parents and agencies who would never do this, and I would hope they are the vast majority…but if you don’t publicly call out bad practices…over time it becomes acceptable practice and the norm, and the race to the bottom just accelerated.  We know this is what happens – it used to be illegal in most if not all states for the adopting parents to pay any of the relinquishing parents expenses pre or post adoption – now that is the norm and part of the advertising by the agencies to get the mothers to contact them – it also is the subject of valid concerns on whether or not – it adds pressure (coercion) on the mother…


Posted by on August 4, 2012 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics


Tags: ,

8 responses to “What the ?

  1. Snarkurchin

    August 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    I think at this point the “majority” knows damned well that the more they spend, the quicker their adoption process will be and the “better” (younger, whiter, whatever) a child they will get. They just won’t call it buying the child. It’s weapons grade level doublethink, but that’s par for the adoption course.


    • TAO

      August 4, 2012 at 6:32 pm

      Snark – I agree that most know that – but I still like to be naive and optimistic and hope the majority just say no to that or other bad practices like costs based on race…


      • Snarkurchin

        August 4, 2012 at 6:55 pm

        I’d much rather see you proven right than me!


  2. zoozig

    August 4, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    Thanks for this post and the links to rather amazing stuff. You never know whatca gonna find when you start looking at adoption through a different lines.


    • TAO

      August 4, 2012 at 6:33 pm

      If you look you can find many speaking out…


  3. eagoodlife

    August 4, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    Corruption, bad practice,big money, the reality of adoption would be unthinkable in some other areas other than perhaps banking and industry including Big Pharma and Big Food.The time of Big Adoption has been with us a time now – who is going to stop it?


  4. TAO

    August 5, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    AnnaJ – I just emailed you…wasn’t sure if you wanted met post your comment or not.


  5. cb

    August 9, 2012 at 2:30 am

    The ReformTalk site looks interesting – I’ll have to watch out for that Facepalm Friday each week.



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