Morning snarky thoughts…

17 Jul

There always seems to be a current blog post or thread on an adoption forum highlighting the fact that media or someone else highlighted the child is the adopted child vs just child and why do they always need to point that out.  That the media needs to stop defining the celebrity’s children as either biological or adopted.  Couple that with the ongoing never ending debates over whether adoption is an event and therefore you were adopted and why it is important not to use you are adopted – because being adopted does not define an individual.

Often I see the two points above combined into one post or thread…

So if you agree with the point that the two subjects seem to intertwine in people’s mind – highlighting the adopted status and why people think it is wrong because they were adopted vs they are adopted and adoption does not define them.  Can you please explain why it seems like every single adoption agency, many adoptive parent blogs, adoption forums alway seem to have a Famous Adoptees list pointing out that they are adopted and everyone goes gaga each time they find out so and so is a Famous Adoptee

Because if you truly believe and use PAL (positive adoption language) and that an adoptee was adopted and being adopted does not define them, and their adopted status should not be referenced – then you would not highlight or go gaga over that FAMOUS ADOPTEE…because they were adopted and not are adopted and being adopted means nothing

Or did the reality that you can’t have things both ways change?


Ps…whether or not the media over-does the adopted children thing is not the point of the post…


Posted by on July 17, 2012 in Adoption, adoptive parents



17 responses to “Morning snarky thoughts…

  1. momsomniac

    July 17, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    The famous adoptee schtick is weird. And while having been adopted does not define a soul, pretending it’s irrelevant is…..silly.


    • TAO

      July 17, 2012 at 4:56 pm

      Agree – I know for me so many decisions in my life I have relied on my own life history and when you are adopted that can be part of why or how you make the decisions you do…


      • momsomniac

        July 17, 2012 at 5:07 pm

        It’s much like when an amputee runs a marathon – you see similar contradictions. I don’t know if understanding that would help people empathize with adoptees or would just make it worse…


        • TAO

          July 17, 2012 at 5:14 pm

          I just find it hypocritical having the Famous Adoptee list and then saying “don’t say this or do this becase you were adopted and adoption does not define you”…kind of what Dannie was referring to – the “Famous Adoptees” are never allowed to not be just “Famous” like their peers – but must always be in the spotlight because they are first and foremost “Adoptees” because being adopted is what is defined.


          • momsomniac

            July 17, 2012 at 5:21 pm

            Agreed. The contradiction is less obvious in my example, and on the face of it, less weird, but it’s still the process of saying “this does not define you” while saying “look what you can do in spite of who you are” at the same time.

            And theoretically, it’s supposed to be uplifting to whoever is considered “normal” in the given scenario. I enjoyed your snark, and I agree – the subject itself disturbs me – these kinds of behaviors are rooted in a deeply obnoxious tendency to “other” people.


  2. Dannie

    July 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    I really feel bad for ‘famous’ adoptees. Already on a pedestal or already more scrutinized than usual.


    • TAO

      July 17, 2012 at 4:53 pm

      I know I still owe you “thoughts” but it has been harder than I thought it would be…


      • Dannie

        July 17, 2012 at 6:22 pm

        told you, it’s not an easy topic that we started discussing from all angles. Right now, we’ve tabled the discussion, but I know we are both thinking about it from every angle.


  3. Rebecca Hawkes

    July 17, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    I say that I _am_ adopted because it’s a lifetime process. But unless someone is publicly speaking about adoption, highlighting their adoptee status or that of their children seems irrelevant.


    • TAO

      July 17, 2012 at 4:54 pm

      Of course I agree with you – I am adopted…


  4. shannon2818

    July 19, 2012 at 1:30 am

    People really have those lists on their web sites? It seems like the implication is: “wow, look how successful they are despite being adopted.”


    • TAO

      July 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm

      Shannon – despite being adopted is bang on…google Famous Adoptees and you will find plenty of lists – some with inaccuracies as well like President Bill Clinton who was not adopted…remember when Steve Jobs passed away – it was horrible the linking to adoption and the only reason he was successful.

      BTW I am waiting for your next part of your review…


  5. cb

    July 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    One thing I’ve noted is that when an adoptee has committed a crime, the parents are usually very quick to make sure the world knows that the adoptee is not related to them by biology. You can’t have it both ways.


    • TAO

      July 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

      CB – but of course you can have it both ways – that’s the beauty of adoption – just decide what is the truth in the current moment in time – you know the “as if” and other clever terms.


  6. Scooping it up

    July 19, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    I saw the most recent article floating around and was like “really, are we doing this again? Telling adoptees how they are allowed to phrase things or identify?” It’s good be sensitive but I didn’t even want to read it because of everything you said. Love your snark.


    • TAO

      July 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

      Thanks Scooping it up – sometimes people take my words wrong and think I am bashing actual people – not just things that don’t make sense…

      Your comments should post automatically now.



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