With the movie “October Baby” bringing up the stupid topic of adoptees being saved from abortion I just had to weigh in.
The thought never crossed my mind that my mother was going to abort me. Never once did I think it was a possibility. I was taught mothers made a choice of a) aborting; or b) carry to term; and then they chose parenting or adoption (based on your marital status during my era).
I have seen many comments by adult adoptees my age and younger that wish to thank their mother for not aborting them. Each time I cringe and ask myself why would you say that? Who put that thought into their head by connecting abortion and adoption, “as if” all mothers who surrendered their baby for adoption first opted for abortion but something happened and they chose adoption instead. And if it was their parents – shame on them. They passed on a stereotype that has no basis in reality. They put that in their child’s head for what reason exactly? So the adoptee could be grateful for being adopted, and hate on the mother who gave them up because she was going to abort before she “chose” adoption?
If any [adoptive] parents reading this says well I would never say that, I would ask you if you say “I’m so glad your “birth” mom chose life”. Because if you said that, in my opinion, you have just told your child there was a good chance they could have been aborted. If you don’t agree with me how many other children (non-adopted) have you said that too? How many friends have you said that too? None right? Because deep inside you think that a mother who does not / cannot keep her child automatically made the choice of abortion and something happened to make her choose adoption – all without knowing if she would have even considered abortion to be one of her options in the first place. You stereotyped the mother based on the fact she chose adoption for her child.
People reading this may be saying what proof do I have to be so adamant on this? My proof is the words from my dad. The man who has witnessed more pregnancies than most, and who you had to see to confirm you were pregnant way back when the rabbit had to die. Specifically the unmarried girls (and young adult women) brought in by their mothers and if the test was positive some asked the question about where they could get an abortion for their daughter which he couldn’t/wouldn’t answer and they would leave. The outcome was one of two scenario’s – pre Roe vs Wade, dad would see some of them back in to patch up or deal with infections after the “back alley” abortion, the other girls the mothers did not ask about abortions would go away to “care for” a sick relative and come back sans baby. Post Roe vs Wade he didn’t have to deal with taking care of some them after an abortion because it was now a safe legal procedure. The choice boiled down to a personal choice of Either/Or – not was going too then didn’t.
I am sure the process has changed now that you don’t have to go to the doctor to find out if you are pregnant, but I doubt things have changed much as to the choice options. A decision (choice) will be made to either get an abortion or carry to term. One or the other. Of course some will have families will pressure them. Some will reach out to CPC’s and have Adoption agencies “guide them” into making the “right” choice of carrying to term and then choosing adoption (which doesn’t always mean it was right for them). Some will have Church members pressure them. Some may change their mind in either direction. Some will stand fast in their original choice. But stop saying adoptees were saved from being aborted simply because we are adoptees. If our mothers were going to abort us – we would not be here. It can’t be any simpler than that.
Why did anyone think making this movie was a good idea? Why? So we have yet another generation of adoptees burdened by this archaic false notion put into their heads by those sanctimonious parents who believe this fallacy? That another generation of adoptees will have that comment thrown at them if they dare to say there is any downside to adoption? That comment that can be so very damaging to their self-esteem, feelings of worth, feelings of identity, make them feel like they need to be perfect and better than everyone else, feelings of being rejected and not good enough. Just think how you would feel in the adoptees shoes being given that message from the time they were little till they are in their senior years. Believe me it gets old hearing it thrown out to adoptees who dare challenge how adoption is practiced. I cannot imagine having to grow up hearing it.
Getting off my soap box now but this subject just triggers me…