Some days I have hope for the next generation of adoptees, that their parents will have listened and been aware of potential pitfalls both pre-adoption and parenting. Other days that hope is slammed into the ground and stomped on, crushed beyond recognition, into dust. The latter was yesterday.
The entitlement factor felt by some people chills me. That level of entitlement engendered by a faux feeling of superiority that allows them to not listen, but rather, vocally dismiss anything said, by a mere adoptee. Even when there is nothing but truth being provided. Being provided to the individuals who willingly chose to go there, to read it, (or not actually read it and listen to the words). The defensive reaction we all get from time to time, yet some of us try to figure out where that reaction is coming from, learn from it, study it, change it, if needed. Yes, sometimes we all fail, but the bigger person learns from those times and makes amends for their behavior.
Following is the disclaimer at the top of the guest post on iAdoptees blog for all to read, absorb, and chose, without coercion, to read the rest of the guest post.
What you are about to read may shock you. It may challenge you. And, hopefully, it may inspire you to educate yourself further on the realities of adoption. Please read the following with an open mind, and try not to take anything said here personally. Because this is not meant to be an attack or a judgment; it is meant to be an honest and heartfelt expression of one adoptee’s experience that would hopefully bring understanding and respect for the often ignored portion of the adoption equation.
People reacted in an unseemly manner, very unseemly. In a manner that most parents would be horrified to know was written by their child, who is now an adult and most likely either hoping to be, or is a parent. In a manner they would have taught their child, was the wrong approach to take, especially with the highly specific message above regarding reading the entry.
I agree wholeheartedly with what is said in the post. I cannot imagine having any friends who would disagree with that post. Another friend has also felt the fall-out from recommending her friends read it. That fallout is beyond my ability to comprehend either, from the very people who should have been true, staunch, have your back whatever may happen, friends. Their response is also incredibly unseemly and very, very sad.
To those who are reading this, each of us in our own ways and based on our own truth, are talking about things that matter. If we weren’t, we wouldn’t being doing this. I only wish I had the ability to write a letter, like this letter. Please read this. It really says it all, and no one should feel defensive, or threatened by it, because there is no intent to inflame, only to provide her truth in as gentle a manner as possible. If you do become defensive reading it, then you need to look deep inside yourself to understand why.