Daily Archives: November 28, 2011

Questions to mull on…

Have you ever stopped and thought about how the fact that prettying up adoption language by using euphemisms, is in reality, a direct insult to your intelligence? 

How the industry has designed a whole new language that diminishes reality, and replaces it with a fairy-tale version that they want you to believe.  That perhaps because societal mores do not dictate surrender for unwed mothers anymore, that they needed to create another alternate reality of adoption, for their industry to survive?

Some words and statements in PAL are worse than others, but really stop and consider whether the words reflect the full truth, or are just cleverly designed euphemisms to “mislead or at least put a positive spin on events“?

A euphemism is the substitution of a mild, inoffensive, relatively uncontroversial phrase for another more frank expression that might offend or otherwise suggest something unpleasant to the audience.

Some euphemisms are intended to amuse, while others are created to mislead or at least put a positive spin on events – one of the more stark examples being friendly fire, which means accidentally firing at and perhaps killing troops that are ostensible allies.

I was thinking about the abhorrent “She loved you so much she made an adoption plan“, and how that phrase may come to be the next generation of adoptees most discussed phrase.  Do you think it will?

Now stop and think about the “birthmother” counselling.  Do you think that they “doublespeak” the different options the mother has, in words designed to steer the mother into realizing that adoption, is really the only option a good mother would choose?

Doublespeak is language which pretends to communicate but doesn’t. It is language which makes the bad seem good, the negative seem positive, the unpleasant seem unattractive, or at least tolerable. It is language which avoids, shifts or denies responsibility; language which is at variance with its real or purported meaning. It is language which conceals or prevents thought.”

“The selfless mother chooses what is best for her child and realizing she cannot give her child everything they deserve, chooses adoption.  The selfish mother chooses what is best for her, and denies her child all the things they could have in an adoptive home.” 

Adoption equals selfless, Parenting equals selfish.  What other definition could you give to statements like above except “doublespeak“?

Does anyone honestly think that they tell mothers considering adoption, that adoptees don’t always “do just fine“?

That there are problems with identity? 

Feelings of abandonment?

Feeling not good enough?

The deep desire to know your parents, where you came from, and why?

That sometimes the trauma breaks the adoptee?

Have you ever heard of any agency having a mother make a list of what the child will lose, as well as her family, if she chooses adoption?  I haven’t, only what she cannot give to the child and what she will be giving up if she parents…sad isn’t it.

Don’t you think it is time to get all the lies, half-truths, and lies by omission out of adoption?

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Posted by on November 28, 2011 in Adoption


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