Lip Service…

17 Nov

I read repeatedly how parents value the voice of the adult adoptee.  I have read this mantra many times.  Being the cynic I am, I take it with a grain of salt.  Today, I challenged myself to take a tour around blog land and see for myself.  I designed a very unscientific survey and started with the intent to prove myself wrong. 

For the sake of clarity, I am choosing to use AP to identify [adoptive] parents

I started on a AP blog I know has adoptee blogs in her blog roll.  I then surveyed the first four AP blogs in her blog roll, that also had blog rolls.

I then went to a selection of best adoption blogs and surveyed the top 5 AP blogs, that also had blog rolls.

Here are my results, remember I started with an AP blog I knew had adoptee blogs in her blog roll to add a bias to the overall results:

6 out of 10 AP blogs had zero adoptee blogs

3 out of the 4 AP blogs that had adoptee blogs had 3 or less

1 out of the 4 AP blogs had 20+ adoptee blogs

7 AP blogs had between 15 and 50+ AP blogs and only 1 had adoptee blogs.

So do you still believe you value the adoptee voice, and that we share a dominant or equal voice?

Do your own survey, design it anyway you like, what do your results tell you?


Posted by on November 17, 2011 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , ,

7 responses to “Lip Service…

  1. Amanda

    November 18, 2011 at 7:42 am

    I brace myself for someone to (not you hehehe) yell at me for voicing my observation but I notice the same.

    I frequently come into contact with AP blogs because of where my own blogs are listed and linked to, I check out the other links too. 9 times out of 10 (which is a generous percentage, I might add, considering the incredible volume of AP blogs there are out there), there are no adult adoptees on any blog roll. Even blogs I have seen extensively link to the blogs of original parents…it is as if adult adoptees do not exist.

    You are correct, overall, we are not being listened to. That’s why I love the APs who do listen so much!


  2. The adopted ones

    November 18, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Amanda – I agree – those that listen are so much better prepared if something similar shows up.

    I don’t know, I just am frustrated that adoptees are only acceptable if they toe the party line and even then you are suspect. It just seems like – they can’t have you on their blog roll because what would “others” think if you have a post that might make others uncomfortable.

    I lived in the era of “what would others think” and it saddens me to see it still today.

    As to what I found – I deliberately chose to start with a blog that has adoptees assuming (wrongly) that others on her blog roll would have adoptees. I tried to make the results different.


  3. Dannie

    November 18, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    I don’t read that many blogs anymore but I think I only have you and Amanda’s blog on my blogroll so I am guilty of not going out there too deep even though I read more than record on the blogroll


  4. momsomniac

    November 18, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    I don’t think of my blog as an adoption blog. I do occasionally talk about it though & should probably include something in my blog roll for any reader who turns up there thinking they are going to see something relevant to adoption.

    Since the views you 2 express here most closely align with the adult adoptee I listen to the most (nightly:), I’d like to link to you. Is that okay? There may be other writers who are more like the son we adopted, but since son 2 is too young to tell me how he feels about what they have to say, yeh, I’d like to stick with that for now.

    I was amused to look at my blog roll after reading this – all but one to my knowledge are not parents of ANY children. More time to write, perhaps? : )


    • The adopted ones

      November 18, 2011 at 11:30 pm

      Of course you can add my blog – It is taking me time to add all the blogs I read to mine, but I truly think you need to see all different perspectives even if you don’t agree with them all. Ihope to add more each week but I forget.

      Amanda who replied above is one you should really take the time to read. Her knowledge and writing skills are far superior to mine, and she has taken the time to compile a great number of blogs and resources. Check her out and then read some of the links.


      • momsomniac

        November 19, 2011 at 12:11 am

        I will take a look at Amanda’s blog.

        I have read a lot of blogs by adult adoptees but at this point, I defer to the views of the adult adoptee I married. Your views do echo each other and since I try to treat his views with great care, I don’t link to things that would upset or offend him, regardless of what I think. In my house, at this point, it’s his pool and I feel that mucking about in it in ways he would not want would be like him talking about what it’s like to be a WOMAN or of Cherokee descent (etc.), regardles of how I felt about it. You know?

        Of course, as son 2’s MOM, at some point his voice will over-rule Dad’s because – as my CHILD, he is the adoptee to whom I am beholden. If he disagrees with Daddy, so be it. It will take awhile for him to work out what HE thinks though, because for now, he’s mini-Darth and he’ll probably echo his Daddy for years to come. : )

        Thank you for your permission!


        • The adopted ones

          November 19, 2011 at 12:14 am

          You have an expert on being adopted at your finger tips so of course you should defer to him – absolutely. I think you will find Amanda to be similar in views as well…Cheers!



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