I was reading a blog this morning that I recently found, that I am starting to enjoy. She seems to be very comfortable with calling something an adoption issue, or a common issue among adoptees. It’s refreshing. She is also willing to talk about how each adoptees experiences are unique, as well as how life events can trigger feelings. And she talks about one of my favorite adoption books in her most recent post Jaik.
I left that blog with the following questions for those parents who can’t see something for what it is – simply because she is so comfortable and able to realize what is an adoption challenge, or commonality among adoptees, and willing to identify it for what it is.
Why are some parents today so quick to assign a different reason for an obvious adoption related feeling, concern, challenge, or commonality among adoptees? Why the need to pretty something up and make it seem like an anomaly rather than a reality?
Those questions started me wondering if because adoptions in the past were less glorified as the “be all – end all – best solution ever, and we all need to celebrate when a child becomes an adoptee” that she is willing to see the totality of the experience, or if it is simply because she has been an AP long enough to have grown kids. Both may be valid answers, but then it doesn’t answer why some fairly new to adoption parents can understand, and yet others just deny any challenge or issue could be adoption related. You see the denial and rebuttals spring forth all the time.
And then I went to one of my other non-adoption favorite sites and read this short interview on self-deception and why we deceive ourselves…and I think he may be right. I need to do some more mulling but in theory it makes a whole lot of sense.
The human capacity for self-deception knows no bounds, but why do we do it? According to biologist Robert Trivers the simple answer is that it helps us have more children. He told Graham Lawton about the evolutionary benefits of lying.
Read the short interview and then apply it to the adoption world and tell me what you think.