“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” ~ Oscar Wilde
The running commentary by AP’s discussing an adoptee’s blog post can sometimes be frustrating, to say the least. Some get it and choose to listen and be aware of the potential for their child to feel that way. Others negate it as nonsense, or that it doesn’t happen now (and not realizing it is because adoptees have been speaking up that the issues are being addressed). Some choose to pick apart words or focus only on one sentence or part of a sentence, and believe the author or the post is talking about ALL AP’s because the adoptee has not been slammed enough in the past, to remember to use all the right disclaimers in their sentence structures.
Thinking about the why this defensive reaction happens there are some obvious reasons; new to the world of adoption and having a limited understanding of the other sides, love for their child and not wanting their child to feel that way are two that come to mind, but I know there are many other reasons.
But what I want to say in this post…I doubt most ever really tell the hard stuff…it’s too personal, too raw to put on the internet…can you not just trust it is more than what is said, if we feel the need to say there is a problem? That sometimes it is easier to point out the common to many issues and keep the deeper darker ones private?
Would YOU post an in-depth blow-by-blow of something incredibly painful? Or would you find the least controversial aspects to highlight? What if you were physically abused by your husband, would you describe how black and soulless his eyes became, as his fist curled tight as he drew back his arm and smashed you right in the nose, and then rained blows down on the rest of your face, then furthered pummeled you across your chest, arms, back, leaving you battered, swollen to the point your eyes barely open and covered all over in bruises? Or would you say – my husband hit me…and leave the reader to assume it is more?
Please do not assume adoptees are any different from you…when it comes to posting raw, intimate feelings on the internet where if too much detail is provided or even just specifics, there could be the potential for others to be hurt as well. And consider the adoptee may be trying to down play it or generalize it so you will even consider listening.