What being a family means…

23 Feb
This is a long, rambling, circling post that I am sure will be mis-interpreted.  It comes from reading a story written by a Christian father whose daughter chose adoption.  I cannot understand the mindset and this is my response.
I read a really sad article written by a Christian whose “unwed” daughter made the decision to place her child for adoption and they all thought it was the right decision, after much family discussion. Note she was a teenager but not a young teen. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t the right choice but my point is families do not give their family members away, not without a fight. Or they aren’t really a family.
Perhaps I am just noticing this but it seems like there is a growing trend among Christian families that if their “unwed” daughter gets pregnant, the baby should be placed for adoption. That the parents will not help their daughter start on her road to be a parent. That they raised their kids and are not willing to help raise another generation, their needs come before family. How can anyone think this way? Yes, she will have to grow up quickly. Yes, she will have bumps along the way. We all have to grow up at some point. So how is it is okay to watch your child place her baby for adoption and recognise the life-long grief that she will live with daily, rather than help her grow up and become responsible? And yet instead they talk about that it will be hard to consider adoption but that the mother must consider the baby and what is best for the baby. Telling her how hard it is to be a single mother. Yes, she will be a single mother but what about her parents and other family members? She is not on the streets, alone and living in poverty or abusing drugs, she has a family.
And yet the underlying message is that the baby should be placed for adoption and the mother will be redeemed of her sin. That the parents will then not have to feel shame that they raised a child who became a single mother. That they can hold their heads up in their church and say their daughter (or son) did the right thing and chose adoption. By their words and actions they have basically told their daughter she is not good enough to be a parent and her child is not worth fighting for. That there are families out there that would be better than she. That it is the right thing to do…
Sorry, that is not my definition of family. Family is family. Families help each other and do whatever it takes, however long is required. Families are not selfish. Families are not cruel. Families don’t give away other family members unless there is no choice. Before you make the decision to parent you need to realize parenting does not end at 18, that quite likely you will be called on to help the next generation, that it is part of being a parent. That yes, you may be needed more for the first couple of years. And that help is for your grandchild!!!
Perhaps my attitude can be blamed on the values, ethics, morals and actions of my parents. They cherish, value, take care of, step up to the plate and do whatever is required for family. Family is family. The first six months I was home the majority of the day my grandma rocked me. Day in and day out until I stopped crying and got used to my new home. Mom could not do it all the time because she had two other toddlers and many many chores. Grandma did not turn her back on us, family is family, you do what you have to do. As a youngster growing up, I cannot count how many trips we made to visit family and it wasn’t just visiting. It was helping get things done. Trips were timed to ensure we were there when they needed a hand. It was a family committment. It did not matter if you weren’t a close relative, one of my grandma’s was in reality my dad’s sister’s husbands mother – but that did not matter – she was family. And if you are a parent you are a parent for life. You don’t stop being a parent when your child reaches 18, you are still their parent when they reach 50 and beyond. It works both ways and is the right way.
And if you are an adoptive parent who tells their “unwed” daughter to consider adoption. What is that phrase that is so popular these days? Forever family? Consider what your words say about your definition of “forever family”…
I hope adoption never again becomes the only solution like it was when I was surrendered, but some days it seems like the past is rising up again. I hope adoption never becomes a mainstream way to create a family and adoption only happens when there is no other choice. Families need to get back to being REAL families, and learn to thrive in the good times and survive the bad times together, as a family.

Posted by on February 23, 2011 in Adoption, Ethics


Tags: , , ,

38 responses to “What being a family means…

  1. cb

    February 23, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    I agree totally.


  2. Kara

    February 23, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    Great response. I agree with you wholeheartedly.


  3. 曉安

    February 23, 2011 at 11:58 pm

    I completely agree with you. I don’t understand the mindset as well. How is it being a good parent if they don’t support their daughter in keeping her child? How, if they love their children, can they not realize that their daughter probably loves and wants her child?


  4. Von

    February 24, 2011 at 2:11 am

    I agree with every word, family is family, you don’t give away family members because of the marital status of a parent.What message does it give about parenting and the shallowness of commitment and why is it more important what others think?


  5. mary colby

    February 24, 2011 at 3:51 am

    so I previously left a comment here, and apparently it wasn’t approved. so i will try again. i am under the impression that you are a person who was put up for adoption, adopted and now you are very anti-adoption? was it a bad experience-your being adopted? i was also adopted, and seem to have a very different mindset from you. that yes, i understand that my mother was unable to care for me, i would have lived a life of poverty, possible abuse and almost certain addictions. she put me up for adoption. and i in turn joined my adoptive family (with 3 other adopted siblings) and led a modest comfortable life, got a great education and have led a productive adult life. i am not arguing with you, but I am under the belief that adoption is a wonderful alternative….from my experience. 🙂


    • cb

      February 24, 2011 at 5:09 am

      I don’t get where AO has ever given the impression that she is “very anti-adoption”. The impression I get of AO is that she believes in family preservation. I also believe in family preservation and agree with AO that adoption should only be if there is no other choice, not just another way to “build a family”. When it comes more about finding a baby for a family rather than finding a family for a baby, that is when borders start to blur.

      I personally also had a good adoptive family, live a productive life and had a good upbringing. Though I never got to meet my birth mother as she passed away quite young, I am in contact with her family and by all accounts, she was a good kind decent woman who according to her family would have made a wonderful mother. The way society was in those days meant that she would have been strongly discouraged from keeping me as she was a single woman and it seems that society has not changed in many ways in many places. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

      Btw have you met your birth mother, Mary? Do you actually know anything about her or are you just assuming that the scenario you give would have been the case?


  6. Dannie

    February 24, 2011 at 5:03 am

    I applaud this post and if it were a speech, I’d give it a standing ovation.

    The words of my mother are still ringing in my ears….yes I’m in my 30s and she still offers blunt advice that leaves my ears ringing 😀 “You will rest when you are dead….if you truly want to be a parent, it’s not until they are 18, it’s for life….that means you pay for education, you ground them, you take it like a mom during the teenage years, you pay for rehab if needed, you make rules, you help your kid out if they have a baby out of wedlock….it’s for life, if you can’t commit to that, don’t become a mother”.

    I’m certainly not the giant my mother is….but she is a wise lady. *standing ovation to your post*


    • cb

      February 24, 2011 at 5:12 am

      Your mother sounds like a wise woman indeed 🙂


  7. The adopted ones

    February 24, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Mary Colby,

    The first time you leave a comment it is subject to approval. If you go back to the post you left the comment on you will see it there. Of course you are entitled to your opinion of me…

    Please do not read posts I wrote and base my words on your story, rather read them for what they say.


    • mary colby

      February 27, 2011 at 2:42 am

      I was just wondering. I wasn’t expressing an opinion of YOU, (simply because I don’t know you, but rather asking for clarification of what had been written. And what they said to me, however incorrect……was that the words had a tone of being anti-adoption. 🙂


      • The adopted ones

        February 27, 2011 at 10:31 pm

        Mary Colby,

        Only you can determine what “you” think I am or am not.

        If you wish to get to know me then read my other posts before you ask me if I am anti-adoption or had a bad experience.


  8. The adopted ones

    February 24, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Thanks guys – that story I read just would not get out of my head. There was no good reason that I could see.


  9. Sunday

    February 24, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    “Sorry, that is not my definition of family. Family is family. A family helps each other and does whatever it takes, however long is required. Families are not selfish. Families are not cruel. Families don’t give away other family members unless there is no choice.”
    Truer words were never spoken, apparently mine is not the only family that missed that memo too. Great post!


  10. The adopted ones

    February 24, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Sunday – thank you – just something I feel passionate about…


  11. shadowtheadoptee

    February 24, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    I believe a lot of unwed mothers, especially back in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, would have kept their babies and made good parents, not perfect, but capable parents, had they had the support of their families. One of the things that has always bothered me is the idea, and mindset of these young girls and women’s families, that it was somehow “the right thing to do” to give up their children to peple they would never know, and then erase the child from the family, which, I will add, was really impossible to do, especially for the girls. I may have never been spoken of in my family of origin, but I was never erased, or forgotten. I was always there in the “shadow”s of their minds and memories of that time.

    As a Christian myself, I was brought up being taught to love “unconditionally”, an impossible task for we humans. Being brought up in that manner, it was/is very hard for me to understand how parents could advise their unwed daughter to do this. I don’t say this because I think adoption is a “bad” thing. I say this because, to me, what it says is the exact opposite of “unconditional” love. It says that their daughters child is loved “conditionally”; only if born into marriage. So, what happens to their daughter’s child, should she be married and end up a “single mother” due to divorce. Is she then advised to “do the right thing” and place her children for adoption? Of course not. Who would advise their, now, single mother, daughter to give up their “grandchildren” in such a way, even though their daughter has now fallen from grace by becoming a divorcee. (Before anyone questions the divorce and falling from grace, with divorce being so well accepted and common these days, unless the Bible has been rewritten since I last read it, yess, divorce is considered a “sin” too, in the eyes of God.) No, they step up and help out, because the child/children are their “grandchildren”. Yes, I know it’s not exactly the same, but my point is that, in both cases, the child has no say, cno control, but still suffers the consequences of the “families” reactions, and choices. Do they not?

    What makes the child of their unwed, single, teenage/young adult, daughter different? Her child is still their grandchild. Is it not? How can they advise their own child to give away their won grandchild, and call it “the right thing to do”? What it says to me, as someone , who has first hand knowledge, and experience, with this mind set, is the exact opposite of unconditional love. As a Christian, I can’t think of one time Christ ever turned his back on children, or had anything but “unconditional” love for children. It sad that so many “Christians” don’t see this, especially when it pertains to their own children and grandchildren. Excelleent post



    • The adopted ones

      February 24, 2011 at 4:55 pm

      Shadow – I think you have made some REALLY good points…wish I had thought of them…

      I saw this in dad in everything he did – when he would see any patient – not just the patients who could pay the fee…you were sick, you came to me, my job is to care for you no matter what…too bad he could not have taught the whole world about unconditional love and what being a family, doctor, neighbor, friend or just another living being is supposed to act like to others…far too many people put conditions on what they will do…and worry to much on how others will view them and put their OWN needs first.


  12. Dannie

    February 24, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    I love my family. That being said we are a passionate bunch. My mom (the same one that I had quoted about above 🙂 ) always told me that my grandmother would have had such as hissy fit if my mother ever ever became pregnant as a teenager or heck as an unwed woman that my mother did wait until she was married out of the “fear of God” from my grandmother….however, that being said, my mom always knew that after WWIII came to an end there would have been a united effort to raise the baby.
    My cousin was married and had two children. Unfortunately she divorced and after a while started dating another man….she ended up pregnant….my great aunt (her mom)was livid and (remember we are a passionate bunch, although quite forgiving after the initial blowout…it’s a weird thing) oh it was WWIII, unfortunately said some not so nice things…however there was never any talk of doing anything else but keeping the baby….yeah guess who has their fingers wrapped by a certain grandchild….my great aunt and this child’s grandma is that kid’s defender of everything good in this world.
    Maybe what families need is to put some passion back into their lives and family? All families make mistakes or may not have the perfect outlet to stress or bad news, but it seems to me that the reason some families are united in what happens be it good or bad or just wrong timing, is because whatever happens there is passion for the ones you love, not just a “well I can’t be bothered” or “they are over 18 so they need to deal with their actions without our help” attitude? I don’t know the answer.


    • The adopted ones

      February 24, 2011 at 7:40 pm

      Dannie – I don’t know what is causing families to not be committed to family. I do think families have too easy of a life and become selfish may be a part of it. Families used to be the main part of your life and now it seems like it is only the duty part. I hope that changes and the “I want” mentality disappears.


  13. shadowtheadoptee

    February 24, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    AO wrote: “Shadow – I think you have made some REALLY good points…wish I had thought of them”

    You did. I was thinking after I posted that comment. Didn’t I just say, basically, the same thing AO was saying in her post? lol The post hit a little close to home for me.


  14. cb

    February 24, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    “Telling her how hard it is to be a single mother.”

    Yes it would be but with the help of others, the burden can be lighter.

    Below is the parable of the birds of heaven.

    “25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, `What shall we eat?’ or `What shall we drink?’ or `What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well. 34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day.”


  15. The adopted ones

    February 25, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    CB – very apt parable…temporary problems, concerns, etc are not permanent.


  16. adoptionparadox

    February 26, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    ‘Families don’t give away other family members unless there is no choice.”

    Well, there’s the crux of it. First of all, we as a society can’t stomach the “no choice” concept. It gets to the point where we will believe death is a choice, quite literally speaking. If we can convince ourselves of that, then *anything* is a choice no matter the circumstances or the mindsets of the people involved in the situation.

    Having to think of a “no choice” situation just doesn’t exist for some people – it translates to “I’m helpless and can’t do a damned thing about it.”

    Therefore, if someone gives a child up, it’s considered to be a choice. Even if the other option was death. Because death is a real, physical, literal choice to some people.

    Parents don’t give away their kids unless there is something very, very wrong. So if the child was given away, there is either something wrong with the parents, or they could have “chosen” death (because they are not “obligated” to let their child live), and therefore the child should be grateful about the entire thing.


  17. mary colby

    February 27, 2011 at 2:37 am

    @ CB “Do you actually know anything about her or are you just assuming that the scenario you give would have been the case?” Have you been to a reservation in the past 37 years? Or are you assuming that I am just being judgemental of a woman that I never met? My birth mother was killed due to the fact that she was drunk and decided to drive herself into a ditch! Thank the Lord that she decided to give me up for adoption the day I fell out of her, because otherwise, the life that I described would have been my existence!! Again…..have you been to a reservation in the past 37 years? I took my children back to my Nations reservation 2 years ago, and was humiliated to show them exactly how American Indians are treated and live in the modern United States of America.


    • cb

      February 27, 2011 at 10:38 am

      Thanks Mary for asking my question. Quite a lot of people do just assume things about their birthparents which is why I was genuinely asking you the question so thanks for clearing that up.

      You were the one making the assumption about AO by assuming that she had had a bad experience when that is not the case. What I was trying to say is that my experience with my aparents has nothing to with how I feel about adoption. I will concede that my birthmother’s story does sound much more positive than yours so knowing that I probably could have had a good life with my bfamily probably does affect my thinking. I can’t really know because I will never get to meet my birthmother who also died quite young (from a heart attack), however I’ve met the extended family and they are great.

      Your mother’s story sounds sad. Life on a reservation would have been very hard I’m sure and I’m sorry that your birthmother passed away the way she did. Do you know much about her as a person? It is sad that conditions haven’t improved over those 37 years. Btw no, I haven’t been on a reservation as I haven’t been to the US (I am Australian (where adoption is now fairly rare)).

      None of us are against adoption in cases of necessity, it is just that there are still many cases today where young women are not exactly encouraged to keep their child.


      • mary colby

        February 27, 2011 at 9:44 pm

        i did not assume anything. i asked for clarification. thank you very much.


      • mary colby

        February 27, 2011 at 9:55 pm

        i don’t mean to be snippy with you, however, i don’t really like to be told that i was making assumptions, when i wasn’t.
        also, i don’t really have a “need” to know anything about her. i do know her name. i know her death date, and last summer i saw her signature……which was a really interesting experience for me. Seeing that signature actually turned her into a more “real” person in my mind. i do have two bio sisters whom i have met, and meeting them really did not enrich my life any. other than i remember thinking how odd it was to meet two people that i REALLY looked like! 🙂

        my mother also had named me on my original birth certificate. my original surname is now the middle name of one of my twin sons. also, because i met one of my aunts on the reservation…..i found out that i am a direct descendant of a famous war chief that led our tribe for many years. His name is the middle name of my other twin son. The history of our tribe is FAR more exciting to me than the history of the woman who bore me. 🙂


  18. Carlynne

    February 27, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    I appreciate your post. As a natural mother who surrendered in 1980, I’ve thought about this a lot over the years. It really hit home when I was raising my younger children and often wondered how I would react if my daughter became pregnant before marriage. When I would look at my daughter’s face I just could not imagine doing to her what was done to me. I could not tell her that she couldn’t bring a baby home. I couldn’t drive her to another town to hide her and leave her there until after the birth, lying to friends and family about where she is. I couldn’t pick her up after the birth and then pretend it didn’t happen. This is what happens when grandparents feel so much shame at the thought of a pregnancy outside of wedlock (I really hate that word – the whole “lock” thing). Maybe the shame is so overwhelming that it overrides their sense of family. To me the selfishness of it is just so shocking.

    I said I surrendered and that’s what it is when you’re left with no choice. Having been through that it makes me wonder how much of a choice today’s girls are really given, especially coming from these very religious families. I see them on websites happily declaring the decision they supposedly made. For me I was made to hide, maybe they’re hiding too. They’re not lying about what they’re doing but maybe lying about why they did it and how they feel about what they’re doing. My guess is they don’t even know they’re lying about it, they’re simply regurgitating the brainwashing of “it’s the right thing to do”. I can’t think of anything sadder than a young woman losing her child because her own parents won’t help her. I’m seeing it more and I just grieve for these women and their children.


  19. The adopted ones

    February 27, 2011 at 4:12 pm


    Thanks for sharing and it worries me too that the past is starting to happen again…


  20. Cedar/ Joyful Mama

    February 28, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    Hello. I am a PAP adopting from China; conservative Christian. I came over via Amanda’s Epic Linkage. I am trying to learn.

    “So how is it is okay to watch your child place her baby for adoption and recognise the life-long grief that she will live with daily, rather than help her grow up and become responsible?”

    In my opinion it is a matter of perspective and this question is the crux of the issue. Posts like yours help us to understand reality and break through our naivety, but before starting to read adoption blogs I might have been on the side of the parents. First, outside of being a part of the adoption triad there is pretty much a solely positive feel to adoption. The idea that the mother (and her family) would grieve a child forever has been squashed completely with the belief that adoption benefits all–the struggling teen/family and the adoptive parents. In some ways giving up the baby is believed to be the responsible thing to do. My sisters had 4 unwed, young adult pregnancies between them. They kept every one, and the family supported them and helped them (my parents so much that they are swimming in debt). The children are now tweens and elementary students doing well and my sisters are wonderful mothers. However, if any one of them had said, “I am thinking about giving it up for adoption”, we would have supported that decision not realizing at all the terrible potential consequences to her and ourselves.

    I realize that changing these misconceptions/naive (or stupid) perspectives is part of the point of your post and others like it, so thank you for writing.


  21. The adopted ones

    February 28, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    Thanks Cedar, it appears you understood the intention behind my words. Adoption sometimes is the right answer but the media, society, etc totally glosses over the very real loss to the mother and the family as well as the one not kept. No one speaks to that side. And I think it also creates the mindset that families are disposable and it’s okay. Families need to get back to being families (however the family is formed) – I don’t have the words for it but when you look at families with multiple generations and off shoots interacting that focus on them being a family united they are usually amazing – they can and do accomplish anything. Fracturing that family…leads to no family in my mind.


  22. shadowtheadoptee

    March 1, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    Mary Colby wrote: “The history of our tribe is FAR more exciting to me than the history of the woman who bore me.”

    The history of the woman, who bore you, is the history of your tribe.

    Mary Colby wrote”my mother also had named me on my original birth certificate. my original surname is now the middle name of one of my twin sons. also, because i met one of my aunts on the reservation…..i found out that i am a direct descendant of a famous war chief that led our tribe for many years. His name is the middle name of my other twin son. The history of our tribe is FAR more exciting to me than the history of the woman who bore me.”

    Being proud of your heritage is a good thing. Honoring your ancestors, by naming your children after them, is also a good thing. It is so easy to choose to see only that part of history that is romantisized in history books and folklore stories, and dismiss that part that is not so pretty. When a person does that, they miss out on the true identity of their ancestory. They miss out on the true character of their ancestory. What is that saying? Do not judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins.

    I hope someday you can look past what you think you know about your birthmother, the reservation, and what you percieved life to be their. Yes, it isn’t always pretty there, but there is something more to it; something deeper for many that you missed out on by not growing up in that culture. You are proud of your famous war chief ancestory, so much so that you named your children after them, but without your birthmother, and those who came before her, he would not be your ancestor. They are all part of “who you are” as a native american. Dismissing them, ignoring them, is dismissing and ignoring part of yourself and your heritage as a native american. I hope you can find it in yourself to look past the poverty, addictions, and abuse everyone hears so much about, and try to understand more than what you saw on the surface as to who your birthmother really was behind the addictions and abuse, and who those before her were on the inside. try to see inside their sole. Only then will you know your true history, and ancestory. Those, who came before you, are your history, and your tribe’s history. Without them, all of them, good and bad, you have no history.


  23. momsomniac

    March 1, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    I understand what you are saying and agree. Adoption comes from a tragic loss…and if we as families (or as a society) can make choices that allow capable mother to parent their babies, regardless of age, income, or marital status…then we should.

    For anyone who thinks this makes me anti-adoption: I am an adoptive parent. I am also married to an adoptee. Many, possibly MOST, adoptees have to live with grief that the rest of us will never understand. Their birthmothers probably do too. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their parents or that they are unhappy with their lives….it means there is a tragic loss in their past that is part of who they are.


  24. The adopted ones

    March 1, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    Momsomniac – that does not make you anti-adoption that makes you an honest, family oriented person, who believes in families being families through the good times and the bad times. Thank you!


    • momsomniac

      March 1, 2011 at 11:44 pm

      Thank you. I often feel that I have been allowed to take part in very private conversation here.


  25. Beth

    June 16, 2011 at 3:04 am

    I was relinquished solely due to my mother being unwed.
    I was labeled illegitimate and that had to be corrected.
    I always wonder what Jesus would do if in that situation as a parent or grandparent, and I wonder why the christian churches don’t ask the same.
    To me his birth story is all about love of the unwed mother and forgiveness.


  26. The adopted ones

    June 16, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    I know Beth – it makes me wonder too…


  27. Janine Doyle

    October 25, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    I have a daughter that is an unwed mother. What we chose to do was to let her make the decision for herself on whether or not to keep her baby. We sought counsel from the Crisis Pregnancy Center. We were told that when a mother doesn’t “close the circle” on her own, she is left with a lifetime of regret. This can work both ways. Some mothers are not ready to parent. Their families put pressure on them to keep their babies. They do and end up demonstrating their immaturity by leaving their babies with family members to take care of and raise. On the flip side, when a mother feels forced into surrendering her baby, the wound is often so great that she will turn to the father of the child she surrendered for support and end up pregnant again, longing to replace the child that she gave up. I believe that adoption is an individual choice. If my daughter had chosen to give her baby up for adoption, I would have supported her in that decision. It would have been the most painful day of my life and I am so grateful that she has decided to keep her baby. I never believed it was the right thing for her to give her baby up, but kept those feelings to myself until she had made her decision. She has had nothing but pressure from the father and his family to abort or surrender her baby. She has persevered through this time and remains strong in her conviction to have and keep her baby. We are so proud of her for her strength of character and dedication in choosing to honor life. We know that our grandson has such a special purpose. He has already turned his mother’s life around. We are choosing as a family to trust God each and every day. The baby has and will be nothing but a blessing in our lives! We cannot wait to meet him 🙂


  28. momsomniac

    October 25, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    From Beth: “I always wonder what Jesus would do if in that situation as a parent or grandparent, and I wonder why the christian churches don’t ask the same.”

    I love this question because as I recall, Jesus’s mother was unwed when he was conceived.



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