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Adoption is such a touchy subject…

10 Feb
And when someone reads an article they should only read the article, not create rebuttals in their mind based on their life while also trying to read.  It saddens me just how touchy people are about hearing anything less than the perfect story.  But people need to hear the bad stories and the good stories.  Especially in adoption there always has to be open minds to see what is broken and fix it for the future.  To acknowledge past and current mistakes and ensure they never happen again.  Why don’t people understand that is the reason why the hard stories are shared?  Why can’t people just accept the story and stop picking it apart?  Trying to find something to dismiss, negate, refute, silence and shut down?  And yes, I am, talking about a specific article.
Abducted Versus Adopted: For 1.5 Million of U.S. Adoptees, What’s the Difference?
And article that speaks about the feeling of difference an adoptee might feel in their family is exactly the feeling Carlina White spoke of.  She does not state being adopted is the same as being abducted, she states the feeling of difference Carlina had, is the same feeling she always felt.  That is doesn’t matter if the child is adopted or abducted, the feeling of difference is the same.
She speaks of the way mothers were treated in the 50’s and 60’s and the role the agencies played.  She speaks of tragedy of her parents dying and her book speaks more in-depth on the situation it put her in as a young child.  It speaks to the fact that the agency noted her parents died in her file but did not think to contact her mother, which I am not sure on my feelings about except if they knew there were serious health concerns at the time of the adoption, did they have an obligation to step in to ensure her safety.  I personally would hope they would and if there was no one to care for her to consider all possible avenues, including contacting her mother. 
She does not say adoption is bad.  She says how things can happen that can be bad. 
And yet, the people commenting clearly read the story differently than I did.  About how all adoptions are not bad to how mothers are druggies or abusers, not manipulated or have no rights, the entire gamut of reasons why adoption is pure and good and how dare she tell say otherwise.  And some commented that all adoptions are bad.  There are some genuine responses related to her story that are sprinkled throughout the comments, thankfully.  But if you take the time to read the story honestly without your own bias, and then read the comments you will see how we fail as a society in reading comprehension and compassion.  Or perhaps I read the story wrong.  What do you think?
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10 Comments

Posted by on February 10, 2011 in Adoption

 

10 responses to “Adoption is such a touchy subject…

  1. Von

    February 11, 2011 at 1:52 am

    I’m with you.I also believe many are bewitched by the American myth of adoption.Adoption is very broken, unregulated and the industry unethical.

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  2. Dannie

    February 11, 2011 at 4:00 am

    Wondering if the feelings (abduction vs. adoption) also had to do with closed and secrecy (e.g. not telling children they were adopted)? Because I”m sure someone that abducted a person wouldn’t be telling the baby they abducted the truth…

    Maybe I didn’t read it correctly, but I couldn’t tell if the author knew she was adopted or only found out after her parents died?

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  3. The adopted ones

    February 11, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    Dannie – I couldn’t tell either and perhaps that was woven in. Feeling the difference is real for some and also with those not told till they were older.

    Von – you are right – people cannot separate “adoption” from “the adoption industry and practices”.

    I was just saddened to read the comments on how little they actually heard of her story.

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  4. 曉安

    February 12, 2011 at 12:24 am

    “…when someone reads an article they should only read the article, not create rebuttals in their mind based on their life while also trying to read…”

    So true and so damn frustrating. I (an AP) was at one time blind like that… it took a while for me to open my eyes. I hope others will be able to as well, if more adoptees tell their stories.

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    • The adopted ones

      February 13, 2011 at 4:07 pm

      I don’t think it is solely AP’s that fall into this trap – we all do – we all have our own lived experiences that color our thoughts. The trick is to be aware.

      Thanks for commenting.

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  5. cb

    February 12, 2011 at 8:35 am

    “I was just saddened to read the comments on how little they actually heard of her story.”

    I agree. And to be honest, I can’t be bothered saying much more, I’m tired of it all.

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  6. Margie

    February 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    What you all say. Plusm I’ve come to the conclusion that adoption is so tangled up with feel-good charity that people simply cannot see anything bad in it.

    I’m glad she clearly described the inhumane treatment that was common when she was adopted, although plenty of it still exists. So frustrating that so many commenters immediately pulled the discussion to happy vs sad adoptions. Classic deflection.

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  7. Raven

    February 14, 2011 at 5:05 am

    So many of the comments say that the things that happened to the mothers and children of the Baby Scoop Era simply don’t happen anymore.

    I beg to differ….

    Do people really think that those of us from the BSE saw what was happening back then? We didn’t even know what had hit us until years later.

    I wonder what they’ll name this current era years from now?

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  8. The adopted ones

    February 14, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Raven,
    I have been mulling on some signs I have seen recently and included some that are not part of the adoption world so to speak but behind the scenes, but certainly point to a renewed focus against single parenthood… Hopefully I can combine it all into a post that makes sense…

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