Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability

28 Dec

Another TED talk that speaks to me deeply. About feeling connected and which is what gives us purpose and why we are here. She goes further talking about how talking to people about love and she hears about heartbreak, belonging she hears stories about feeling excluded, connection brings out stories of disconnection.  A really thoughtful talk that I hope you will listen to and then come back and tell me what you think.  I have written down some of her words and hope they are correct….
Shame is the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me that if others know it or can see it that I won’t be worthy of connection….
That those who feel connections have a sense of worthiness.  That the definition of courage is: tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.
They had the courage to be imperfect.  They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because it turns out we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.  And the last was they had the connection and this was the hard part as a result of authenticity they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which is you have absolutely do that for connection. 
The other thing they had in common was they fully embraced vulnerability.  They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.
A lot of my feelings on being surrendered for adoption centered around being flawed.  Something others could see that I could not.  I always tried to be the one who made others happy.  The peacemaker.  The one who did everything perfectly. The one who obeyed (at least until I was a teenager).  Somewhere deep inside of me I felt if I was not good enough, perfect enough, they wouldn’t want me either.
I have never told the whole story of who I am…although I think starting this blog is a great starting place.  But being vulnerable enough to tell it all…doubtful…I am who I am, it is what it is…

Posted by on December 28, 2010 in Uncategorized


6 responses to “Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability

  1. Susie

    December 28, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    I love Brene Brown! I try to follow her blog, and want to get her book. After reuniting with Christopher, and realizing that I had been living a lie for almost 30 years, I vowed to live authentically from then on. My new “motto” came from Brene’s badge, available at which can be downloaded and printed.

    This was a great video, thanks for posting it.



  2. The adopted ones

    December 28, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    Hi Suzie – hope the holidays were good to you and yours. I had never heard of her but was completely fascinated by her talk. So much rang true. I find now I am able to be more open but still there are doors firmly closed to the world…not sure if that will ever be different but at least here on the blog I try – but also find myself tempering what I say so as to not offend…which can be good and bad…good if I want parents to realize there is more than sunshine and roses to adoption, bad if I need to really vent…


  3. Von

    December 28, 2010 at 11:04 pm

    Hi thanks for bringing this to attention, some great quotes there! How many of us ‘good, happy’ adoptees can identify with what you have said?
    Telling the story gets easier with practise but there will always be some bits we don’t tell, things that are too painful, too shameful, too weird!


  4. shadowtheadoptee

    December 29, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    Thanks. this was great, and the timing was perfect. She really pegged me. lol I can’t remember her exact words, but she was talking about life being messy, and how she thought it was up to her to make it all neat and clean? That is soooo me. lol

    The real llightbulb moment was when she talked about “the fear of vunerability”. I hadn’t thought of it in those terms, but the anziety I feel….that “fear of vunerability”, that’s it exactly. Now that I have words for that feeling….what a realief. Thanks again for posting this.


  5. nnkato

    March 20, 2012 at 12:51 am

    thanks for posting this. it’s been a while since I last saw this. awesome.


  6. nnkato

    March 20, 2012 at 1:05 am

    I too fell apart as a teenager, and after turning to alcohol, have to now surrender to the fact that I can no longer drink it reasonably. Actually, today is day two for me in my quest for sobriety.
    However, I was not surrendered for adoption. I was taken away at the age of three by the CAS. I’m attempting to write about it on my blog,
    Having moved around a lot, I definitely tried to be as “perfect” as possible.
    How unfortunate!



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