Another TED talk that speaks to me deeply. About feeling connected and which is what gives us purpose and why we are here. She goes further talking about how talking to people about love and she hears about heartbreak, belonging she hears stories about feeling excluded, connection brings out stories of disconnection. A really thoughtful talk that I hope you will listen to and then come back and tell me what you think. I have written down some of her words and hope they are correct….
Shame is the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me that if others know it or can see it that I won’t be worthy of connection….
That those who feel connections have a sense of worthiness. That the definition of courage is: tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.
They had the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because it turns out we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had the connection and this was the hard part as a result of authenticity they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which is you have absolutely do that for connection.
The other thing they had in common was they fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.
A lot of my feelings on being surrendered for adoption centered around being flawed. Something others could see that I could not. I always tried to be the one who made others happy. The peacemaker. The one who did everything perfectly. The one who obeyed (at least until I was a teenager). Somewhere deep inside of me I felt if I was not good enough, perfect enough, they wouldn’t want me either.
I have never told the whole story of who I am…although I think starting this blog is a great starting place. But being vulnerable enough to tell it all…doubtful…I am who I am, it is what it is…