November Adoption Awareness Month – Day Fifteen

15 Nov
Ois for Oxymoron…
An oxymoron (plural oxymorons or oxymora) (from Greek ὀξύμωρον, “sharp dull”) is a figure of speech that combines normally-contradictory terms. Oxymorons appear in a variety of contexts, including inadvertent errors such as extremely average and literary oxymorons crafted to reveal a paradox.
Doesn’t the above description of oxymorons say it all when it comes to adoption?  From the very start…and from all parties in adoption?
She loved you so much she made an adoption plan…
Adoption IS the best option to provide your child with a loving family…
After years spent trying to have a biological child state adoption is not a second choice…
They let months of choosing the most mature responsible choice be erased by a few hours of emotion…
Writers often use an oxymoron to call attention to an apparent contradiction. For example, Wilfred Owen‘s poem The Send-off refers to soldiers leaving for the front line, who “lined the train with faces grimly gay.” The oxymoron grimly gay highlights the contradiction between how the soldiers feel and how they act: though they put on a brave face and act cheerful, they feel grim.
Very similar for some when asked what its like to be adopted.  We most likely only tell you the good side that you want to hear, because to say something about the hard side may also impact those we love, our parents who are raising us.
Sometimes a pair of terms is claimed to be an oxymoron by those who hold the opinion that the two are mutually exclusive. That is, although there is no inherent contradiction between the terms, the speaker expresses the opinion that the two terms imply properties or characteristics that cannot occur together.
The above statements make me think of when an adoptee states.  “I’m fine with being adopted because I have a great family, but at the same time I wish I had never needed to be adopted.”  Contradictory statements to some people but yet are true by the person making the statement.  Yes, I realize the it should be two terms, i.e. Love and Hate being adopted would be a more exact oxymoron.  But yet people still cannot wrap their heads around the fact that you can love the family you were adopted into, but still wish you had been able to be raised by the family you were born into.  To me it is that disconnect that happens between the non-adopted and the adopted.  Far too often the entirety of the statement is broken down into small segments, argued and refuted and a refusal to realize that for that adoptee – it is what it is…a paradox, an oxymoron.  That is the life chosen for us.  We accept it, we can thrive in it, but it still does not overcome the initial loss.  The loss of the family we were born to be brought up in. 
Accept that we may have contradictory feelings that are deemed by some to be impossible to both be true.  Recognise that they do not reflect on either side of the adoptee tug-of-war (our two sets of parents).  The statement simply reflect the whole truth of being an adoptee to the person speaking it.  You chose it, accept it, we had too.
It is what it is and nothing can change that fact…
1 Comment

Posted by on November 15, 2010 in Ethics, Uncategorized


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One response to “November Adoption Awareness Month – Day Fifteen

  1. Von

    November 15, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    Best post yet..brilliant! So very true!



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