“H” is for Happy…Angry…
The happy adoptee or the angry adoptee is a myth in my opinion. Simply because no one is happy or angry all the time and these labels define us as being incredibly shallow creatures capable of only one emotion.
I can be happy, sad, reflective, excited, angry, solemn, ecstatic, fearful, stressed, and depressed all in the same day, simply because I am alive and make it a point to be aware of so many different things happening on this planet, some of which happen specifically to me. So being happy or angry are simply a parts of who I am but not anywhere close to ALL I am.
And yet, I do get exceptionally angry and could be labelled a ‘angry adoptee’ when I see blatant unethical behavior happening in adoption that ANYONE with two eyes and a brain can see…it hurts so very bad. And there is no excuse unless you consider burying your head in the sand an excuse.
…only pointing out the hardships of being a parent to an expectant mother.
…using one lawyer for the mother and the prospective adoptive parents.
…agreeing to open or semi-open adoption…and then closing it using a variety of lame excuses.
…trying to get the mother to waive her rights to a revocation period.
…having the mother sign the papers the moment she is legally allowed to sign, not when she says she is ready and requests the paperwork.
…moving a mother to an adoption friendly state that has no revocation period.
…advertising for the father in the back of journals that are not mainstream and the description is so vague no one would recognize themself.
…not counseling the mother to name the father and telling her they can work around it.
…so many other behaviors that when you look at them from a distance you can see the ways the manipulation plays out.
And prospective adoptive parents who are willing to ignore the red flags waving madly to alert them that ethics are being left at the door…what will you tell your child when they grow up about the ethics of their adoption? We do grow up and most likely think about the event that changed forever who we were born to be…will you be able to say ethics mattered most?