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Grief and Healing…

07 Sep
Can someone ever truly heal to the point that they do not grieve anymore from an event that caused them immense pain?  Is there a simple answer or process or solution?
In my mind some events are so painful that you never stop grieving.  And while I fully believe the my last statement to be true – I also believe we can find peace after an event but that peace is never constant for life because life gets messy and triggers feelings that we were at peace with.
I am at peace with the losses in my life but I will still grieve those losses and can be triggered by words, dates, places, and just the plain old longing deep inside that things did not have to work out the way they did.
So can a person truly ever completely heal from deep losses?  Or do they simply wish to believe it is so?  Do my feelings make me truthful or someone looking for pity?  Are my feelings valid or should they be negated to make others more comfortable?  Am I troubled or honest?  I think we try to hard to not see both sides and lose more of ourselves because of it.
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3 Comments

Posted by on September 7, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

3 responses to “Grief and Healing…

  1. shadowtheadoptee

    September 7, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    I wonder if we confuse healing with an expectation that the pain will go away someday, no longer to ever be thought about or remembered, and completely erased from our minds. Erasing the pain from our mind would also erase any joy regarding the pain. kwim? Maybe healing is recognizing the pain and loss for what it is, acknowledging it for what it is, feeling it, and then putting it back in it’s place, focusing on the present?

    Without the pain, without the loss, we wouldn’t be who we are. How could we be?

    Sometimes….the reminders, the triggers…well, they just suck. Chocolate brownies….I don’t know, just popped in my head…I think a homemade, chocolate brownie, with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream would go a long way into easing some of the grief at the moment. What do you think? At least until after I ate it? (smile)

     
  2. The adopted ones

    September 7, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    I made brownies yesterday and the pan will be empty by the end of the night. I guess you are right – healing doesn’t mean we never feel the pain again. You are right that without the pain could we feel the joy those losses brought us? And no, we would not be who we are today.

     
  3. shadowtheadoptee

    September 8, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    Really? You made brownies? lol Hmmm…am I psychic or what? lol

    Did you ever read the book “Tuesdays With Morey (sp)”? Morey is dying with cancer. He is in pain, and in the book he says this about pain: (paraphrasing it’s been years since I read it) “Pain is just a feeling and all feelings pass with time.” or something like that.I think it’s interesting that of all the great stuff in that book, that is the one thing that I’ve always remembered. It was a good book if you haven’t read it.

     

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