I equate being loved with being abandoned and yet I need to be loved for me but I continue to question why, why, why do you love me? I remember dating as a teenager and as soon as someone loved me I would leave, I had to protect myself, there was no turning back – it would be like something clicked inside of me – warning me – turning my feelings into coldness – leave – run – an inner voice screaming that it would hurt too much to stay and watch them walk away because every one leaves – it is just a matter of time. It happened time after time and there was no way I could stop myself a never-ending cycle of being the first to leave determined to never be the one left behind again. Being loved by someone and loving someone opens me up to being abandoned…left alone…but yet I cannot stand to be alone…truly alone without a soul mate who shares my life and has my back, who is there for me always…but yet that fear of being alone never leaves…of not having someone love me and being abandoned again because everyone always leaves me in the end. I never want to be alone again, to feel that void deep within my soul – shedding tears that never show, my mask firmly in place, never show pain, never show weakness, never ever be vulnerable again.
…being adopted has impacted me in ways I would never have imagined but it has always been a part of who and what I am…just like I will aways expect to be abandoned once again…
To my friends…these are simply thoughts that have circled my head and heart for as long as I have been around…not something new that I am going through…
If someone talks about pain they experience there is always someone to tell them they are wrong to feel that way. I do not understand that reasoning. Attempts to explain why another person must negate another person’s reason for feeling pain seem so, well for a lack of a better word, selfish, and more about them than about the person in pain. Pain is a universal feeling at some point or many points in our lives. It does not matter whether the pain is caused from being sick, poor, homeless, adoption, infertile, loss of a loved one, cruel comments, racial slurs – pain is pain. People have pain.
People negate another persons pain for no other reason than to make themself feel better and that is just plain wrong. Does telling someone to look on the bright side or to bury the pain make it magically go away? Perhaps for a short time but it is not a solution for life long healing. Having compassion and empathy and helping them work through their pain regardless if you can understand the pain, it makes a whole lot more sense. Sometimes sharing experiences with ways you coped may help or not, perhaps just being there sitting in silence or willing to listen helps ease the pain – but negating the pain will not. It took me many life experiences to fully understand that life gives us both and we all are impacted differently, what works for one will not always work for another but being a friend works universally. It took me a while to just be there for others but in a way I think it helped me grow into a better human being, less shallow, less fearful. Challenging myself to just allow the other person to process their pain, in their own way with me by their side – supporting them does amazing things for both souls.
Life gives us all the good, bad, the beautiful, and the ugly so we can appreciate the good times and help others through the bad times – understanding instead of preaching goes a long way in healing for all.
When you read a message from someone who is only looking for people to support their position, and tell them how they are the ones in charge and how they make the decisions and how others just have to deal with it – how many I’s, Me’s, and My’s does it take to make your point that it is all about ME…10, 20, 30, 50 or more?
It’s all about me me me me me me me me me………….!
Sometimes you have to be the bigger person or just remember to follow the golden rule…yes, it really is that easy.
“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough”
― Walt Whitman
Oct 2014: You may speak freely, but please try to use words that everyone can hear about your individual story or view. If you don't, those who can actually benefit won't hear it, I want to see change in my lifetime. I may refuse to approve certain comments.
Elvis Presley ( 1960 ) Elvis Presley completes his two-year stint is discharged from the US Army. Bank Holiday to Save Banks 5th March ( 1933 ) : To help stop the run on US banks U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt announced a four-day "bank holiday" . All U.S. banks would close effective March 6 to help stop Americans from withdrawing their money […]