Once there is an adoption there are two families who are connected to one child…you can pretend to be the only mother or father but recognise it is only make-believe.
The adoptee will always have two sets of parents. Pretending otherwise does an incredible disservice to the one who has no voice in the decision.
Accept that or don’t adopt or choose adoption – yes, it really is that basic. Agree or walk away because you cannot change the reality of adoption.