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Creating best practices

21 Jul

What are the most important requirements to ensure an adoption is done both ethically and morally?  Mandatories?  Would be good?  Top 10, 15, 20?

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6 Comments

Posted by on July 21, 2010 in Ethics

 

6 responses to “Creating best practices

  1. shadowtheadoptee

    July 22, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    I’ll have to give this some more thought. The obvious first one for me is to do away with sealed records. IMO, for both birth parents and adoptive parents, knowing that someday, even if it isn’t until the child is an adult, that the child will “know” who, what, when, and where, for lack of a better way to describe it at the moment, would go a long way into eliminating the smoke screen that covers a lot of the unethical adoption practices.

    I don’t know? Just thinking out loud here, but though unethical adoption could definitely be made more difficult, can they really be eliminated? Where there are people willing to pay any price to get what they want, there will be people greedy enough to figure out how to take advantage of that?

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  2. The adopted ones

    July 22, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Your right there will always be unethical adoptions but there are many prospective adoptive parents who want to do it right but have no clear idea of the issues to navigate to a truly ethical adoption. I don’t see AP’s answering Where do I start questions with a things to consider list. Thats why I thought we might come up with a list…Perhaps it is two lists – Rights of Adoptees and Understanding the Adoption world to stay on the High Road?

    Rights of Adoptees.
    1. Access to Original Birth Certificate and the right to seek out family.
    2. Access to Family Health History with updates.

    Understanding the Adoption World to stay on the High Road
    1. No pre-birth matching. Could be modified to simply not specifying which family is chosen until the mother signs the papers with no duress? Of course, this precludes the adoptive family from being at the hospital – but to me it is creepy that they are there and would feel that by being there they could have manipulated the outcome simply by their presence. I also feel that it was my time with my mother.

    2. Education should be expanded and the voices not censored.

    3. Agencies cannot have the counselors on retainer and should pay for counselling of the mother pre and post for a specific length of time. Any counsellor accredited should qualify.

    What do you think? Just writing as they come to mind not priority here. What else?

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  3. shadowtheadoptee

    July 22, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Good ideas…on the counseling for both BP and AP, and this may be what you are saying…counceling should be by a counselor who is totally independent of the agency, and of course, experienced in adoption issues of the triad. Hmmm.could I just have created my new career path? (that thought just jumped in my head lol, but I don’t want to go back to school, so I’m kidding, and oh wouldn’t it be hard to be unbias?)

    I’m not just real familiar with what, exactly, people have to do to adopt today, but here is another one to consider. Qualifications for adopting should be the same in every state and country? If a couple/person is ineligible for a domestic adoption in their home state, what makes them eligible for an adoption in any other state, or an international one?

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  4. The adopted ones

    July 22, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    Added yours and added more…

    Rights of Adoptees.
    1. Access to Original Birth Certificate and the right to seek out family.
    2. Access to Family Health History with updates.
    3. Requirement to be told of adoption and some type of official letter sent at 18 from the state that has to be signed by adoptee which could contain info regarding what is available?

    Understanding the Adoption World to stay on the High Road
    1. No pre-birth matching. Could be modified to simply not specifying which family is chosen until the mother signs the papers with no duress? Of course, this precludes the adoptive family from being at the hospital.

    2. Education should be expanded that acknowledges the pain and loss that all sides feel and the voices of adult adoptees and parents who surrendered should be heard and equal time to both the good and bad side given.

    3. Counseling of the AP and BP pre and post for a specific length of time. Counseling should be by a counselor who is totally independent of the agency, and of course, experienced in adoption issues of the triad.

    4. All post adoption contact agreements must have legal recourse status that can cross state lines, and unbiased meditation required if breakdown in agreement happens. Should they start with minimums and be updated on an agreed upon schedule?

    5. The entire concept of the Dear Birthmother letter should be reviewed and changed to more of a resume/application? If all were standard then would they come across less icky and manipulative?

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  5. shadowtheadoptee

    July 23, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    In regrards to adoptees: What about raising the age from 18 to 21. 18 seems so young to receive a letter like that.

    Eliminating certain adoption plans where APs are expected to pay Emother expenses as they go through pregnancy. Of course, as you stated, if there were not prepicking of APs, would this even be a consideration? This brings up the question of “who will pay expenses”. Any ideas or thoughts on this?

    Birthmother letters: Call me bias, I think this should be abolished. I’m not sure of the purpose of this? It seems degrading to PAPs and BPs? As an adoptee, makes me think of myself as some sort of…can’t think of a word…It makes me uncomfortable.

    I’m still a bit on the fence on the open adoption question and legally binding contracts. I think it would depend upon the agreement? I worry that sometimes in open adoption, BPs mistake it for sort of , “having their cake and eating it too”? I need to give this more thought. Whatever contract would have to be a very flexible contract as everything and one changes over time. It Really starts to make it sound too much like a custody agreement? I like the idea of making it binding that both sides B and A should give yearly or semi yearly mandantory updates? I’m not sure how easy that would be to enforce. It would force BPs to take responsibility for the children they creat, as well as, stop APs from ending all contact just because they are uncomfortable, or it was too much trouble.

    What about agency? I’m not sure about what kind of regulations are on agencies, but maybe a cap on fees and cost to PAPs…not just domestic, but internationally as well?

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  6. The adopted ones

    July 25, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    I agree the Birth Mother letters should be scrapped but there has to be a way for the mother to choose so have revised.

    Agencies are one of my sore points. I believe there needs to be a non-profit tax law that is only applicable to the adoption agency as it is unique because it deals with human beings as the product. To me they should have absolutely no wiggle room for unscrupulous people to take advantage of in many ‘legal’ ways.

    I also think agencies need to step up their education and post adoption support and the education should continue after the adoption when it may make more sense. They charge enough so that it could be part of the requirements for post adoption.

    We haven’t even talked about how a newbie would even begin to know if an agency was good or bad or what the law is and the ethics etc.

    Revised all areas below per your last comments…

    Rights of Adoptees.
    1. Access to Original Birth Certificate and the right to seek out family.
    2. Access to Family Health History with updates.
    3. Requirement to be told of adoption and some type of official letter sent at 21 from the state that has to be signed by adoptee which could contain info regarding what is available?

    Understanding the Adoption World to stay on the High Road
    1. No pre-birth matching. Could be modified to simply not specifying which family is chosen until the mother signs the papers with no duress? Of course, this precludes the adoptive family from being at the hospital.

    2. Education should be expanded that acknowledges the pain and loss that all sides feel and the voices of adult adoptees and parents who surrendered should be heard and equal time to both the good and bad side given.

    3. Counseling of the AP and BP pre and post for a specific length of time. Counseling should be by a counselor who is totally independent of the agency, and of course, experienced in adoption issues of the triad.

    4. All post adoption contact agreements should have agreed mutually binding mechanisms to resolve conflicts prior to any decision to close adoption visitation portion of the agreement. Agreements should also consider including revisiting and amending the agreement from time to time.

    5. The entire concept of the Dear Birthmother letter should be scrapped and changed to simply facts about the parents, their values, morals and what is important to them in terms of child rearing in a standardized form.

    6. Agencies need to be more accountable, transparent and charges laid out at per charge cost. Charges by race or sex should be banned.

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