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I am or I was adopted…New Adoption Terminology

20 Jul

New Postive Adoption Language – Favorite new term:  “Was Adopted” instead of the negative term “Am Adopted”

Lets see if that works…

Timeline

Born “Baby Girl X….” = status illegitmate infant to unmarried female……(no “am” adopted status here)

Adopted – Name changed to “X…. X…. X….” = status legitimate infant daughter of adoptive parents X……(got to love that magical change from illegitimate to legitimate – poof – done deal – what a relief…but I “am” adopted)

Childhood = status Adopted child of X / Adoptee……(seems like “am” adopted still fits)

Teenager = status Adopted child of X / Adoptee…….(“it” hasn’t gone away yet)

Young adult – Married – Name changed to X… X… X…” = status married / adoptee / adoptive child of X…….(I still “am” adopted)

Middle age adult – Divorced – No Name change (already have had 3) =  status divorced / adoptee / adoptive child of X……(isn’t “it” supposed to be gone?  perhaps if I had changed back to Name number 2? 1? oh right I don’t know name 1 because it is sealed in my adoption records which means I still “am” adopted)

Middle age adult – Married – Name changed again (now 4 times) to X… X… X… = status married / adoptee / adoptive child of X……(nope still there and I changed my name again and I still “am” adopted)

Yeah – adoption is a one time event for sure…once it is done it is done and NEVER follows you through life – done deal – over – get on with life…okay then.

Status – just little old me where the only time in my life when I wasn’t the adoptee and child of my adoptive parents is BEFORE I was adopted which never seems to go away…great new Positive Adoption Language – wrap it up in pretty ribbon and bows and everyone will live happily ever after…uh huh…okay then…how is that supposed to work in real life?  I know – just don’t get adopted…

 

 

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4 Comments

Posted by on July 20, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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4 responses to “I am or I was adopted…New Adoption Terminology

  1. shadowtheadoptee

    July 20, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    I was, no, am, thinking that same thing.

    But….

    what about after our parents, the ones who raised us, have both passed on? Does that make us no longer adopted? Can we then say “was” adopted? Unless I’m missing something, nope…still adopted.

    but…

    if the parents who raised us and the parents who we were born to, have all passed? Am I still adopted then, or “was” I adopted at that point? What do you think?

    “Was” is supposed to be “positive”? How do they figure?

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  2. The adopted ones

    July 20, 2010 at 9:38 pm

    I think once we are adopted regardless if everyone is long dead we still fit the ‘am adopted’…

    They figure if we say ‘was adopted’ it is a one time event and we will not have any side affects because it happened and is over…kind of like the new way of saying ‘blank slate’ in my opinion…

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  3. shadowtheadoptee

    July 21, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    If adoption is only a negative thing for those of us who had bad experiences, and bad parents, why do they go to so much trouble to find, and insist on using, such “positive” language? Do they really think adoptees buy into all this “positive” language?

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  4. The adopted ones

    July 21, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    Actually I think some do – I was chosen…I was always told I was special…ways to combat the natural feelings by justification. But it is much more for the AP’s to do away with any words they don’t like such as ‘give up’ or ‘real’ or ‘natural’…all those terms that trigger forum wars.

    I was given up – there is no other way to describe it – it is the truth.
    I have a natural family i.e. born into, as well as an adoptive family i.e. legally became part of. Neither family is less real than the other because they both exist.

    I would say that the new positive adoption language is 80% benefit to the AP’s and 20% to the adoptees…

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