Labels…dimiss, negate, silence…

12 Jul

“I will not even dignify your comments with an answer. You are very obviously an angry person and no matter what I would say, you would twist it around.”

Commented by an adoptive parent about an adoptee’s words spoken from the heart…I see these comments in one form or the other countering any statement that might deny all is always wonderful and misguided actions or words may have caused pain inside.  Perhaps you need to look deeper beneath the surface to see that while there is obvious love and happiness within your family there may be feelings deep inside, words your child may never voice even if they could find the words or had a voice at all, to you their mom or dad.  

Why, why do some adoptive parents feel the need to dismiss the words spoken by adoptees?  Do you fear your children ‘may’ feel or come to feel many of the same thoughts and feelings spoken so honestly by other adoptees?  Would it be so bad if your children when grown and have found the words to describe their thoughts and feelings for which they had no words for before, do speak honestly about their feelings either good or bad? 

Would it shatter your world so completely to know you raised honest, thoughtful, ethical human beings that want to tell the next generation of adoptive parents what they felt and may still feel?  Would you not be proud to know you raised your children to stand up and say when something needs changing?

Or would you rather be like the ostrich burying your head in the sand?

You have a choice – chose to listen, learn and support or chose to bury your head in the sand…two choices…one that is honest and can help change the future or one that will ensure others stay stuck in their never-never-land.  Your choice – which will it be?  Dig deeper and let those who have found their voice tell our story and be open – or chose to negate, dismiss and silence adoptees – your choice…


Posted by on July 12, 2010 in Ethics, Uncategorized


Tags: , ,

3 responses to “Labels…dimiss, negate, silence…

  1. shadowtheadoptee

    July 12, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    Maybe it’s more because, if they pulled their head out of the san, it would no longer be about them; what they did, what they gave, their child is different, and without them would their child be? If they did not label us as angry, it would not be about them. It would be about their child, and they would have to admit they are just like the rest of us, and the other APs, who do get it. Why do they get so defensive, if everything is so wonderful for them? All about them.


  2. The adopted ones

    July 12, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    Why do they get so defensive…good point…people seldom get defensive unless they know it is the truth but you are so right, then they would have to make it about their child and not about them…incredibly sad that the cycled keeps continuing and no matter how civil and polite we speak we will be dismissed as angry, anti-adoption, angry, anti, angry, anti…ever noticed how all the words start with an A? And her I thought A was for Apple…silly me.


  3. shadowtheadoptee

    July 13, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    Hmmm…apples? Sooo, you calling us bad apples now? Sour apples? Baked apples? hmmm? with cinimon…Geez, now I”m craving some baked, sour apples (granny smith’s) with cinimon, and a bitof sweetner, in a little butter….5 minutes in the microwave…makes my mouth water just thinking about it, and all I have access to, at the moment, is a jar of peanut butter. I hate it when that happens.



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