Monthly Archives: May 2010

why is it…

That it is okay to not like aspects in your siblings who you grew up but feel guilty and wrong to not like all aspects of your biological siblings you meet as an adult?

Is it because that makes my ‘dream‘ flawed and reality really is different and I just need to suck it up and get over it?

Because I talk about how much the biological connection means and in reality each of us is shaped by who, how and where we were raised?  That the impact of life experiences as an adult shape who we are and expand those early childhood life lessons?

Because they ‘are‘ our sibling and therefore must be perfect?  Because being ‘perfect‘ is mandatory?  Why is being ‘perfect‘ mandatory?  What happens if we are not ‘perfect‘?  As a child it meant I could be given away again because they saw that fatal flaw in me that I could not see.  Does it mean that if my sibling is not ‘perfect‘ then therefore ‘I‘ am not ‘perfect‘ and I am circling back to my childhood feelings of being afraid of being given away again but in a different way?

I have been extremely troubled by these feelings and can only conclude that it is normal to not always like all aspects of who your sibling is, what makes that person tick.  Problem is, that is my logical brain talking – but my inner child’s mind isn’t listening.  And that inner child’s mind has been with me a lot longer than my logical adult brain.

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Posted by on May 4, 2010 in Uncategorized


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White lilacs…

One of my favorite flowers of all time.  The sweet, spicy smell drifting through the house brings with it a feeling of joy that spring has arrived.  That the days of rain and dreary days are almost over and summer is just around the corner.  Lilacs make me happy. 

White Lilacs

I don’t know why people don’t plant them very much anymore.  Is it because you don’t get instant gratification the first year or even the next couple of years?  When I plant a new lilac I eagerly await the next spring wondering if I will get a bloom or maybe two.  The following year I watch again in anticipation to see how many, and the following year, and then finally comes the spring when your new lilac is covered with blooms, heavenly blooms that smell divine.   For me this is that spring for my new white lilac.  
There is nothing better than driving down a street with the windows down and breathing in the fragrance of many lilacs in bloom.  To find that amazing experience you have to find a street where homes were built years ago, when lilacs were the rage and everyone had at least one if not many.   

Warm sunny days when lilacs are in bloom are the best days each year.

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Posted by on May 1, 2010 in Uncategorized


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