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Daily Archives: April 16, 2010

adoption thoughts…

Adoption has been on my mind a lot lately because of the “issues” adoptive parents seem to be having. 

From adoptive parents being upset about being asked to identify if their children are adopted or bio on the US Census, to the adoptive mother sending her son back to Russia, to the father who wants to parent his daughter and the Utah “adoption friendly laws” that have kept the two apart. 

One adoptees thoughts on these issues…

The US Census issue.  Get over it, answer the questions they are there for a reason…adoptees are told to get over “it” so that is what I am telling you. 

If you adopted your child - then mark the box adopted - see how simple it really is?  Doesn’t being told to “get over it” help?  

(comebacks based on what has been said to me as an adoptee)

Lots of adoptive parents are checking that box and they are just fine – so why aren’t you?  You must be one of those “angry adoptive parents“. 

My aunt, cousin, friend (fill in the blank) is an adoptive parent and she is very “happy” to have the chance to mark the box adopted for her children.  She is a “good adoptive parent” – what is wrong with you – why can’t you be a “good adoptive parent” like her? 

My adoptive parents are happy to mark me as adopted

*****

The adoptive mother who sent the child back to Russia.  An adoptees worst nightmare – not being good enough – being rejected again – being disposable – not worthy – fatally flawed.  My heart goes out to this child.

To everyone who is up in arms over adoptions being suspended or stopped…so sorry, why should anyone want to look at why this happened and put better safeguards in place? 

So that the “best interests of the child” are at the top of the priority list? 

So that PAPS are educated? 

So that post placement reports are factually and honestly filled out so changes that need to be made are made? 

Why would anyone NOT want that?

Oh right…we must not consider the adoptees feelings in adoption because that might delay or hamper the PAP getting his or her child. 

That might hamper the Agencies ability to reach their targets and would affect their bottom lines, if they actually have to be better educators so the likely hood of adoption being terminated is literally zero.

That might actually make a difference for all the other children stuck in the orphanages. 

How giving glowing post placement reports does any good –  is lost on me. 

Why the terms adoption disruption or adoption dissolution are used instead of adoption termination…lets call  it what it is and at least be honest about it…

Has anyone questioned why the marjority of the board of directors for the watchdog of adoption used to work for adoption agencies?

*****

The ongoing story of the father from Virginia whose daughter was placed for adoption in Utah.  This story literally breaks my heart.  This should never have happened. 

The “best interests of the child” are again not being taken into consideration.  To have a father willing to fight literally for years to raise his daughter and for her to be kept from him.  Not right, not right at all.

At some point that child will grow up (scary isn’t – that baby they always wanted will become and adult with an adults mind and life experiences) and at some point whether it is in her 20′s,30′s, 40′s etc – she will find out the lengths her “adoptive parents” went to, to keep her from being raised in her family by birth. 

Lovely adoption story…gag…If I am right she will be mad, angry, sad and as you cannot change the past, simply grieve that which was denied to her.

How about we all get back to the real intent of adoption…Finding a good home for a child in need?

 
2 Comments

Posted by on April 16, 2010 in Ethics

 
 
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