Daily Archives: March 15, 2010

the comeback…

Adoptees who blog have very clear vivid stories to tell and hard truths that everyone needs to hear.  Their stories may be your child’s story when they grow up, listen and learn. 

I believe we blog or go on adoption forums for many reasons. 

…to talk about it instead of keeping it bottled up inside;

…to try to make some sense out of something that defies common sense;

…to teach potential and current adoptive parents that just because your child smiles at you and fills the void deep inside YOU – does not mean they are fine;

…to gather strength and allies so that one day – adoption will be reformed and the only children adopted are those without any family.

Instead the majority of potential and adoptive parents dismiss, negate, argue, feel bad for “your situation” and continue on with burying their heads in the sand. 

There seems to be a common thread to their comebacks:

…There are millions of adoptees and only a few of you have had a bad experience. 

…If there really was a problem there would be more blogs and forum posters. 

…”Good adoptees” don’t have a reason to blog.

….”Good adoptees” don’t seek out adoption forums.

….My cousin/friend/sibling/aunt is adopted and has no problems with being adopted.

And then of course you have the happy adoptees who visit blogs and forums to reassure the adoptive parents that “they” love being adopted.  “They” don’t want to search.  “They” don’t feel loss. 

Truthfully – I feel sorry for them…and yet hope they never move past that stage.  I was there once as I would guess many other adoptees have been.  They cannot see that we live a life of conflicting feelings but that it is normal and does not negate the flip side of the coin.  That life is like that sometimes and it happens to adoptees from the start. 

That it is okay to: 

…to love the life you were given and still miss the life you were supposed to have. 

…to not like the fact that your mother and father made the choice to place you for adoption instead of choosing to parent you themselves. 

…to not like the fact that you were actually placed for adoption and they made that choice and stuck to it. 

….to not like the fact that your story was forever sealed from you but the only crime you did was being born. 

…to want to know your story, know your family, to know where you come from because that is who you were supposed to have been.

All at the same time as you love the life your parents gave you…

Sometimes I think these “Happy Adoptees” are either incredibly young;  shallow; naive; or too afraid of hurting their parents and risk being thrown away again…

Rejection the second time hurts just as bad but different from that first time.

Being adopted is not normal or natural – how we feel is not going to be normal either.  It is what it is…deal with it.

1 Comment

Posted by on March 15, 2010 in Uncategorized


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