I find it an ongoing annoyance that what I write is not what people hear and am hoping to find a way to write in a way that will be heard – because including thoughts on my adoption/parents or not does not seem to make a difference. I am also sure Shadow feels the same and perhaps why she has been so quiet lately. A recent example is a post that has received hits since another blog linked to Shadow’s post on that same subject – fundraising…
The first eight paragraphs of my post are about mom and dad – highlighting the fact that I hold them up as the caliber or standard of parents everyone else needs to strive to come close to…which I stand behind, but I get tired of needing to continually speak about, as I have lived more decades as an adult outside of the family home - than I did as a child – and it does not seem to make any difference.
The last of the first eight paragraphs states this: My parents had far more respect for us than to do anything like that. We weren’t “charity cases” to be pitied and money given to help save us. We weren’t adopted to be converted and save our souls. We were respected as human beings who simply needed a home, and would not have subjected us to any of that.
Then I discuss my view of how “fundraising to save the orphan or charity case” (not the earning of extra money without bringing the adoptee into it) – that fundraising can be hurtful for the adoptee and I shows ways it can be. This is the type of comment that tells me that what I write is not being heard.
From Rob: “I hope that you are able to get the help you need to help you be more at peace with your situation and that of your friends.”
I approved the comment but I am unclear how speaking out as an adult adoptee deems me as needing help because I voiced my opinion on “fundraising to save the orphan“. That instead of going along with the status quo if it is too expensive - demand reform and if that reform results in less adoptees created then that is good because really who wants more adoptees created.
Is there any acceptable way for an adoptee to challenge current practices, or must we all simply roll-over and play the grateful adoptee to the saints who saved us? Sometimes I think that is the preferred (or only) way for the adoptee to speak and that the more adoptees created - the better some would like it…and that saddens me deeply.
Somewhat off topic – it seems to be a requirement for an adoptee to speak about her parents (which I am happy to do), but yet I never seem to hear [adoptive] parents qualifying that they had great parents or speaking about them at all - before talking about something that might challenge the status quo in adoption – ask yourself why when we are the ones who actually lived it and are as old or older than you are…
On a completely different note – an update about my little amputee chickadee I talked about here – I didn’t see her for weeks and thought perhaps she didn’t make it, but then I saw her a couple of weeks ago and she’s still kicking and fighting to survive and just came for her first peanut of the day. Life is good in my backyard!